Tag Archives: Youth

Overcoming Bullying: One Teen’s Story of Bullying and Survival

Posted in Girl Talk: Boys, Bullies and Body Image, Self-Esteem by

I believe being comfortable with myself will make me happy regardless of my situation.

This belief could come from the fact that I was bullied during the fifth and sixth grade. I had been friends with a girl for maybe two or three years, but then I decided to hang out with my other friend more than her. She felt betrayed, but I didn’t really notice what I was doing to her and she never brought it up. Then the bullying started. I figured that eventually she’d get over it or she’d get tired and stop. But she didn’t.

My former friend would pull my hair, punch me, and kick me…she even stabbed me with a pen once and broke my skin. I think my other friends tried to intervene as much as they could without getting anyone in trouble. It just wasn’t enough. I try to analyze why I never said anything and I guess it’s because I didn’t want anyone to get in trouble either. Even though she clearly was not acting like a friend anymore, I still felt loyalty to her from our past history. I also thought that if I didn’t acknowledge the situation, then it wouldn’t actually be real. Obviously, that wasn’t the case. The situation got to a point where it was really unsafe. I don’t know what would have happened if my mom hadn’t finally found out.

I guess she had noticed these marks on my body, but I’ve always kind of been prone to bruising so she didn’t think anything of them. Then one day she was walking me to school – which she rarely did – and she saw my friend pull my hair. She forced me to tell her about the bullying, and I broke down crying. She told me to talk to my teacher – which I did – and then the principal got involved too.

It was really awkward for me because we were a small class of about 30 and my former friend and I ran in the same clique of only five girls. I was nervous about what would happen to the friends I did like. Would they get angry at me for snitching on someone or would they stand by me? Surprisingly, the whole clique continued to hang out even though it was really awkward. My former friend and I just avoided each other completely. I’m not sure how we did that considering our group was so small…I guess that’s what made it so awkward.

On the positive side, I finished that year with a better sense of who I was. I learned from the experience.  I’m not going to ever let it happen to me – or anyone else – again. I swore that to myself. Since I was able to beat my problem and grow from it, now I know that I can handle anything.

Top Ten Stressors for the Average Teenage Girl

Posted in General Health, Self-Esteem by

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The top ten stressors for the average teenage girl come in many forms. Some may surprise you and some may not, but what they all have in common is a damaging effect on teen self-esteem.

Body Image— How she sees herself, how she compares herself to her friends, and the complications of eating disorders.

Boys/relationships–Wanting a boy or girl to like her, but not necessarily understanding how to go about it a healthy or positive way. Romanticizing the concept of a relationship.

Bullying— Wearing the scars from being bullied in middle school or junior high that never seem to fully go away. Worrying that she will be bullied again.

Friends— Wanting to be popular and having a group of friends, yet still worrying about being fully accepted by them.  Fitting in and knowing how to conform, but wondering about individuality.

Gossip— Worrying about being judged by others, but at the same time judging them. Worrying about rumors that may or may not be true & people cutting you down.

Media Beauty Ideals— Scanning magazines and websites, teens take cues from what the media considers beautiful. This in turn causes self hate if they don’t meet those physical ideals set by society.

Parents— Expectations put upon them by their parents, having a poor relationship with one or both of their parents and/or being compared to a sibling.

Peer pressure — Wanting to be part of the group, but not wanting to drink, do drugs, shoplift or have unwanted sexual encounters to be accepted.

Perfectionism/self-image— Setting unrealistic expectations for themselves. Unsure of how others actually see them and of  how they want to be seen in relation to school, culture and society. Always questioning who they are and striving  to be “perfect.”

School— Getting good grades and getting into the college of her choice, wondering if she’s smart enough, and comparing her grades to her friends.

The 20% Teens Don’t Tell Their Parents

Posted in Articles for Parents, Peer Pressure by

I have to say, one of my favorite questions to ask a teens is “What percentage of information do you not share with your parents?”  I get a lot of surprised looks from teens when I ask this question, but none of them refuse to answer. If fact, just the opposite. They want to tell me. Usually they take a moment, and with a smirk on their face…..they say “20%”.  Now this 20% usually relates to one of more of the following areas, so parents take note.

1) Friends– Do you know all of your teen’s friends? Probably not, but I’m sure you are aware of the ones getting good grades and playing on the soccer team. What about the other friends…. the ones smoking, getting kicked out of school or passing out at the party. These are the friends that your teen knows you wouldn’t approve of and so they don’t tell you about them. However, these friends are highly influential with your teen.

2) Drinking/alcohol- I have yet to hear one story from a teen where alcohol was NOT at the party.  Your teen may or may not choose to drink, but the alcohol is ever present.  They are usually attending the parties because that is what one does to be “popular” in high school.  If they don’t want to drink, the smart ones designate themselves as the driver, so they don’t get peer pressured into a drinking game or a bottle of beer.

3) Stress/anxiety- Kids today are stressed out.  I’m not really sure how or when this happened, but they are all constantly talking about how stressed out they are. Their anxiety usually relates to school and getting good grades if college is on their mind. Or it’s related to  being well liked by their peers and socially accepted by those in class or on their team. Plainly put….being popular. This anxiety occupies a lot of their time.

4) Boys- Girls worry or “wonder” about boys. It’s a fact. Having a boyfriend, not having a boyfriend and the expectations from boys these days. Many girls are seeking advice, but don’t know where to go.  Even if your teen tells you that they don’t care, trust me…it’s on their mind.

5) Body image– I’d say at least 90% of the girls I have spoken with, wish they were thinner.  At least 50% of those same girls also have experienced eating disorders at one time. Many feel a silent pressure from media, friends, and/or family about being disciplined, staying thin and not over indulging.

Teens today don’t want to bother their parents with these issues. They see their parents as too busy, stressed out, working late and don’t want to burden them.  So, they are constantly saying that “everything is fine” when in fact, it’s not.  They are worrying about a lot of things on the inside, but you would never know it. Why? Because they don’t want you to see it.  In the words of one 16 yr. old teen that I interviewed, “you can hide a lot behind a smile.”

Parents, take the time to sit down with your teen and talk to them. Don’t let them off the hook so easily when they say “everything is fine.” Let them see that you care about this 20% and that you are there for them.