Tag Archives: Mental Health

The 20% Teens Don’t Tell Their Parents

Posted in Articles for Parents, Peer Pressure by

I have to say, one of my favorite questions to ask a teens is “What percentage of information do you not share with your parents?”  I get a lot of surprised looks from teens when I ask this question, but none of them refuse to answer. If fact, just the opposite. They want to tell me. Usually they take a moment, and with a smirk on their face…..they say “20%”.  Now this 20% usually relates to one of more of the following areas, so parents take note.

1) Friends– Do you know all of your teen’s friends? Probably not, but I’m sure you are aware of the ones getting good grades and playing on the soccer team. What about the other friends…. the ones smoking, getting kicked out of school or passing out at the party. These are the friends that your teen knows you wouldn’t approve of and so they don’t tell you about them. However, these friends are highly influential with your teen.

2) Drinking/alcohol- I have yet to hear one story from a teen where alcohol was NOT at the party.  Your teen may or may not choose to drink, but the alcohol is ever present.  They are usually attending the parties because that is what one does to be “popular” in high school.  If they don’t want to drink, the smart ones designate themselves as the driver, so they don’t get peer pressured into a drinking game or a bottle of beer.

3) Stress/anxiety- Kids today are stressed out.  I’m not really sure how or when this happened, but they are all constantly talking about how stressed out they are. Their anxiety usually relates to school and getting good grades if college is on their mind. Or it’s related to  being well liked by their peers and socially accepted by those in class or on their team. Plainly put….being popular. This anxiety occupies a lot of their time.

4) Boys- Girls worry or “wonder” about boys. It’s a fact. Having a boyfriend, not having a boyfriend and the expectations from boys these days. Many girls are seeking advice, but don’t know where to go.  Even if your teen tells you that they don’t care, trust me…it’s on their mind.

5) Body image– I’d say at least 90% of the girls I have spoken with, wish they were thinner.  At least 50% of those same girls also have experienced eating disorders at one time. Many feel a silent pressure from media, friends, and/or family about being disciplined, staying thin and not over indulging.

Teens today don’t want to bother their parents with these issues. They see their parents as too busy, stressed out, working late and don’t want to burden them.  So, they are constantly saying that “everything is fine” when in fact, it’s not.  They are worrying about a lot of things on the inside, but you would never know it. Why? Because they don’t want you to see it.  In the words of one 16 yr. old teen that I interviewed, “you can hide a lot behind a smile.”

Parents, take the time to sit down with your teen and talk to them. Don’t let them off the hook so easily when they say “everything is fine.” Let them see that you care about this 20% and that you are there for them.

Managing Your Menstrual Cycle for Peak Performance

Posted in General Health by

Did you know that how you take in information and feel about feedback is really dependent upon where you are in your monthly cycle? Think about it. Sometimes you’re open to others ideas and suggestions while other times you feel defensive. It’s because of your hormones.  A better understanding of your hormones will help you manage your life, relationships and develop a deeper understanding about your body.

Most women have a 28 day cycle. Throughout the month, we experience changes in our sensitivity and stress. Our brains respond differently dependent upon where we are in that 28 day cycle due to an increase or decrease in hormones.  Once a young woman hits puberty those hormones kick in and the stressors that she experiences in her life seem to multiply.  She craves more social interaction with other girls and wants to be part of a group. She needs to be liked and socially accepted  and will avoid social rejection at all cost. Trust me, you are not alone. This is a natural occurrence and it happens to all of us.

During the 1st  2 weeks of our cycle we have the highest level of estrogen, which means we want to talk a lot, hang out a lot with our friends and for the most part probably feel pretty good about ourselves. This is because our estrogen is high. The polar opposite will occur the following 2 weeks (gradually getting worse near day 28) because now our estrogen is low. This is the time of the month when we may feel more stressed, have a hard time taking constructive criticism and just in general feel a little more blah and want to be left alone.  Right in the middle of our cycle, so for many of us on day 14, our estrogen peaks. For those of you in school, this is the perfect time to give an oral presentation or write a paper because our communication abilities are at peak due to the estrogen.  Also, our brains are sharper and more focused. You may notice being able to study for longer periods of time right around day 14 as well.

Here comes the switch– at day 25 or 26 you may feel very irritated by your friends, your teachers and you may even pick a fight with one of your siblings or your mom.  So, keep this in mind when hanging out with your friends during the 2nd half of your cycle and possibly stay clear of your little brother or sister then as well. Knowing what’s going on with your hormones will help you better understand these highs and lows. You will even feel more empowered. Next time you feel extremely sensitive to a comment someone has made about you, think about where you are in your cycle and chalk it up to hormones. Why not use the knowledge we have about cycles to our benefit.  This information can also help us with understanding our relationships as well. So, the next time a friend makes a catty remark, think about where she may be in her cycle and give her a break.

So, want to better manage your hormones and stress every 28 days?  Chart your cycle for 2 months straight and note when you feel good about yourself, when you feel most social, accepted and connected to your friends as well as when you feel at peak academic performance. At the same time, chart when you feel the most stress and frustrated, want to cry for no reason, (dare I say  feel “fat”), want to pick a fight and have a hard time with feedback. Use this information to your advantage and you will feel more in control. Not understanding these highs and lows, can make many teen girls feel confused. Don’t let your cycle manage you. You need to understand it, work with it and when possible, use it to your advantage.

Get Moving! The Link Between Physical Activity and Self-Esteem

Posted in Self-Esteem, Tip of the Week by

Good sleep is a very important part of staying healthy, but so is exercise.  Many teens enjoy sitting around and playing video games or just “hanging out” with their friends. This is fine and actually quite natural for the age group, but movement is important too.  Get outside and go for a walk, ride your skateboard or join a sports team.  Exercise gets the heart pumping and the blood flowing, which causes chemical to release in the brain.  These chemicals are natural mood enhancers that help make you feel good. So get moving, it helps promote healthy self-esteem.

There is actually a link between exercise and self-esteem beyond the “feeling good” aspect.  Teens that are trained athletes and/or play on sports teams tend to have higher self-esteem.  There is something very powerful in pushing oneself further that you expect you can go to really make you realize what you are made of.  The concept of being part of a team and striving toward something together creates a sense of belonging and pride, kind of like a family. Also, trying a new physical challenge can be a huge confidence builder. Like rock climbing a wall for the first time and getting to the top or training for a race with a friend or sister and actually following through.  Finishing something that you started can create such a sense of accomplishment that you won’t be able to not be proud of yourself. This ultimately will boost your self-esteem and make you look at yourself a little differently.

So get your family and friends involved.  Challenge them to try something new or have them train with you. Having a good support system like a team or simply a good friend is key.