Are Well Adjusted Teen’s Still out There?

My answer is YES. Below is my interview with an extremely well-adjusted and happy teen named Savannah.

Savannah is a 17-year-old senior in high school. She gets good grades and she’s very competitive with herself. She has joy written all over her face that’s not forced or an act. She thinks it’s important to have goals in life whether big or small. She says that she’s not a very social person, by that she means that she doesn’t really have one strong group of friends she hangs out with at school. She’s never had that one “best friend.” She spends time with many different groups of girls and boys at school depending upon the day, the class or the sport. She said that she feel accepted by her peers, not under pressure, teased or bullied. However, she sometimes wonders if there’s something wrong with her since she doesn’t want to go to the parties on the weekend or talk on the phone for hours. She identifies herself as a daydream. She loves to read 18th-century poetry and literature. She is also a sports lover and successfully plays on her school’s varsity volleyball team. She talked about how she sees many teens trying to please people, not wanting to upset or anger anyone. Always, pleasing teachers and parents and she guesses that many girls want to please boys as well. She doesn’t feel the desire or need to do these things. She thinks about boys, but doesn’t have a boyfriend and doesn’t define herself by a relationship. She seems comfortable and patient in waiting for the right relationship to come along at some point in her life. She defines high self-esteem as just being fully content with self. Meaning, not wishing she had other’s attributes or talents and genuinely being happy for them and their successes. She said that she thinks she’s pretty grounded because she “feels loved” by her parents. She says that her parents always remind her of the important things in life. She thinks a humble upbringing can be very potent, which she feels she has had. Her mom and dad both have blue-collar jobs, they laugh a lot and talk often as a family. She isn’t a fan of the media. She hates their portrayal of teens as being shallow; only caring about cosmetics, clothing and boys, when they do think about other things as well. She volunteers with her mom and has been doing this for about 10 years. It just became part of the landscape which she calls her life. She’s offended that the media never talks about these things in relation to teens. She doesn’t doubt herself, she has extreme curiosity about most things and never sweats the small stuff. She is attending an amazing college in the fall and is well ahead of her time. She can’t wait to travel the world. She wants to see London, Paris and Barcelona, hitting all the key museums and monuments along the way. Savannah is an extremely well-adjusted teen. You just can’t fake this kind of self-esteem.

The Truth Behind Teen Dating Violence

My interview with a victim of teen dating violence.

Georgia is 16 years olds; into image, popularity and being cool.  She told me that she is probably considered a bully, but she “only speaks the truth to freshman and sophomore.”  She sees herself as helping them fit in better, which means conforming to the culture at this particular school. She said that the only way to survive is to bully or you become the bullied. Never show weakness is her motto. She has an identified clique that she hangs out with and they police each other heavily on what they say, dress, who they date, and where they go to “be seen.”  She doesn’t hang out with ugly people and only dates the popular boys. She likes to portray an air of confidence everywhere she goes. She says that she will never admit that she’s not good at everything. She says that her mom is definitely a tiger mom and that she is tough on her. Her mom is her role model. Her friends are tough on her as well, but she expects that because she is hard on them. She said that she judges people all the time and assumes they judge her as well. In her words “it’s part of life.”  We talked about how eating disorder are common among the girls she knows and how her best friend suffers from depression.  She told me that she sees a therapist weekly and began to explain her situation.  This is when she became very real to me in the interview and allowed herself to be vulnerable.  She talked about dating violence and how she was dating someone for 8 months that was abusive. She said that her therapist encourages her to talk about it now because her experience doesn’t define her, it’s simply something that happened to her.  Apparently, he was a popular boy at another school and they quickly became the “it couple.” She says that peer pressure really made her date him, but quickly image and perception made her stay.  She never told anyone that he was abusive because she was embarrassed and didn’t want her friends to know that things weren’t perfect. So, she stayed in the relationship and told her friends that everything was great.  The first time the abuse occurred, he pushed her down a flight of stairs. She told herself that it was a fluke/an accident because she was in shock by the situation and he apologized. He would follow the typical cycle of verbal and physical abuse then apologize profusely with gifts and flowers so she forgave him over and over. The last straw was when he held a broken bottle to her face for no reason.  She said that she went numb, “died a little” and can’t remember much of what happened next. She called her mom to come get her and finally told her about the abuse.  Her mom blames herself for not paying closer attention to the relationship and Georgia is still recovering. Her self-esteem has been hit a very big blow, but she is slowly on the mend. She still gets scared if a boy shows interest in her, but she feels that therapy is helping. She worries that maybe violence is what her future holds for her in relation to dating. This situation has completely skewed how she sees boys. Right now, she is completely confused by what a healthy relationship looks like.

“Guest Blog” Miss Piggy, The Story of a Bullied Girl

I am originally from Eastern Europe. I came to America 7 years ago. I was bullied and emotionally tortured by the popular kids in my classes. This affected my self-esteem and my mental health already shaken by genetics (my mother suffered with anxiety and agoraphobia.) At 16 years old, I developed a severe case of generalized anxiety and depression. There was not much help for those bearing mental struggles, only strong sedatives.

I wish I could have been able to see a trained therapist and talk about my feelings at school with a school counselor. I wished at that time, that the Principal would listen and act against the bullies. It did not happen. I felt very lonely through it all. I promised myself to somehow see that no student feels this way in the future.

This is an excerpt from my diary during the high school years. I was bullied daily. What’s really sad is that my self-esteem was so bad. I truly believed that I am worthless. I was convinced that I deserve to be teased that way. I felt that it is my fault that THEY laughed at me!  I was mad at myself for not having the will power to lose weight.

Wed., May 15th 

Dear diary, New nick name

I am in the bathroom eating my lunch. Lately, this is the only place I can eat. Why? Simply stated: How can I eat this huge sandwich that can hardly fit into my mouth and not get teased? Also, today I have in my lunch 2 croissants filled with chocolate and 2 candy bars. It’s totally my fault!  Someone like me should bring no lunch, or maybe some veggies and fruit.

Yesterday THEY gave me a new nick name. I’m not “The Whale” anymore. I guess they got bored calling me “Whale” so I take it as a promotion. My new nick name is “Miss Piggy.” The one who called me that first, was “kind” enough to give me the explanation, as well.

He said: “Obviously Miss Piggy is fat, just like you. She has the thick, blond and fluffy hair, he said, the chubby nose, and when she laughs she throws her head on the back just like you do.”  Well, at least now I know where  it’s coming from. Honestly, I don’t recall laughing lately in front of THEM. I avoid laughing, because one of THEM told me that when I laugh my double chin wiggles. I got home that day and looked in the mirror. I pretended to laugh, while watching my double chin do that little dance. My 85-year-old grandmother thought I lost it. She asked me to stop laughing in the mirror or she will call my parents at work. I stopped.

Thursday, May, 16th

Dear diary,

My life sucks!

Yesterday while I was in the bathroom, devouring my second croissant some girl from my class asked me why I’m eating there. I told her the truth…as if it wasn’t obvious…she rushed out and a few minutes later 2 guys crushed into the girl’s bathroom and took a picture of me stuffing my face. I wonder what they are going to do with the picture?

I want to disappear. I don’t want to kill myself. I just want to become invisible. Some people complain about being “invisible.” Well, for me that would be the cure for my disease.

Monday (no date)

Dear diary,

I am on the bus on the way to school. I have that weird feeling in my stomach, that feeling you get when you sense something will go wrong.

Later that day…

I can’t believe it! Pictures of me eating in the bathroom are everywhere. On the picture it is written with sharpie: Miss Piggy eating in the stinky bathroom…gross!

I feel like I want to run, but where am I going to run? It is all my fault! If I would be skinny they would not treat me this way!