Category Archives: Articles for Parents

Hi Mom and Dad! This section is for you. I’ll post useful advise and helpful tips for understanding what your teen is going through.

A Lesson in Teen Sexting

Posted in Articles for Parents, General Health by

I learned a lot about teens and sexting over the past few months. However, I would say that not all teens are sexting. It seems more like 50-50. Some teens that I speak with aren’t even quite sure what it is while others can share with me multiple stories about people they know where sexting experiences have gone wrong. There seems to be a range of acceptance within the sexting world.  Many of the girls that I speak with will send sexy messages to their boyfriends, but many draw the line at sending naked photos.

Just to bring everyone up to speed, sexting is when a girl or boy sends a sexual message or photo to another girl or boy. Many of the teens that do sext are very smart about it. They have rules. You don’t sext and post over the Internet ( i.e. Facebook.) They only sext via text because, in their words “that can easily be deleted.” When we hear stories of sexting in the news, it’s usually because of 1 of 2 scenarios have occurred.

1) A girl has sent a photo to a boy that she likes. Keep in mind that he may have requested the photo. That particular boy has a girlfriend. The girlfriend intercepts the photo from his phone, is angry that another girl has sent him a photo and shares the photo with others over the Internet basically as revenge.

2) A boy requests a photo from a girl. Sometimes he’ll send a photo of himself shirtless to the girl first and then requests a photo back. The boy has no real interest in the girl, he just wants the photo. The girl, if she likes him, is usually flattered and unsure what to do next. Bad judgment comes into play as well as peer pressure, so she sends a photo of herself back to him. This could be anything from shirtless, to completely topless, to completely nude. The boy then shares the photo with his friends (male and female) and before you know it, the photo has gone viral.

From the teen perspective, most sexting stays private. They see it as harmless. I’ve heard stories of girls transferring to another school after an embarrassing sexting experience, and yet teens still think it’s ok to send photos of themselves. With this younger generation, it seems that the line between public and private has become completely blurred. This is where I see technology as a very dangerous tool, if not understood and used properly.

Here are a few sexting codes that teens are using today.

KPC= Keeping Parents Clueless

#8= Oral Sex

TDTM= Talk Dirty to Me

GNOC=  Get Naked on Cam

The 20% Teens Don’t Tell Their Parents

Posted in Articles for Parents, Peer Pressure by

I have to say, one of my favorite questions to ask a teens is “What percentage of information do you not share with your parents?”  I get a lot of surprised looks from teens when I ask this question, but none of them refuse to answer. If fact, just the opposite. They want to tell me. Usually they take a moment, and with a smirk on their face…..they say “20%”.  Now this 20% usually relates to one of more of the following areas, so parents take note.

1) Friends– Do you know all of your teen’s friends? Probably not, but I’m sure you are aware of the ones getting good grades and playing on the soccer team. What about the other friends…. the ones smoking, getting kicked out of school or passing out at the party. These are the friends that your teen knows you wouldn’t approve of and so they don’t tell you about them. However, these friends are highly influential with your teen.

2) Drinking/alcohol- I have yet to hear one story from a teen where alcohol was NOT at the party.  Your teen may or may not choose to drink, but the alcohol is ever present.  They are usually attending the parties because that is what one does to be “popular” in high school.  If they don’t want to drink, the smart ones designate themselves as the driver, so they don’t get peer pressured into a drinking game or a bottle of beer.

3) Stress/anxiety- Kids today are stressed out.  I’m not really sure how or when this happened, but they are all constantly talking about how stressed out they are. Their anxiety usually relates to school and getting good grades if college is on their mind. Or it’s related to  being well liked by their peers and socially accepted by those in class or on their team. Plainly put….being popular. This anxiety occupies a lot of their time.

4) Boys- Girls worry or “wonder” about boys. It’s a fact. Having a boyfriend, not having a boyfriend and the expectations from boys these days. Many girls are seeking advice, but don’t know where to go.  Even if your teen tells you that they don’t care, trust me…it’s on their mind.

5) Body image– I’d say at least 90% of the girls I have spoken with, wish they were thinner.  At least 50% of those same girls also have experienced eating disorders at one time. Many feel a silent pressure from media, friends, and/or family about being disciplined, staying thin and not over indulging.

Teens today don’t want to bother their parents with these issues. They see their parents as too busy, stressed out, working late and don’t want to burden them.  So, they are constantly saying that “everything is fine” when in fact, it’s not.  They are worrying about a lot of things on the inside, but you would never know it. Why? Because they don’t want you to see it.  In the words of one 16 yr. old teen that I interviewed, “you can hide a lot behind a smile.”

Parents, take the time to sit down with your teen and talk to them. Don’t let them off the hook so easily when they say “everything is fine.” Let them see that you care about this 20% and that you are there for them.

Prevent Child Sexual Assault—be part of the solution

Posted in Articles for Parents, General Health by

I learned this past weekend that a victim of child sexual assault has to tell at least 7 adults before he/she is believed. Why?  Because people can’t process the message and don’t want to believe.  A healthy brain isn’t wired to think in these terms especially in relation to a child.   An adult will attempt to reinterpret what the child is saying in a way that makes it less damaging/threatening for them to process. The child very quickly sees that the adult just doesn’t get it and moves on until he/she encounters another adult they feel safe enough with to tell.  This was both shocking and terrifying for me to learn.  As adults, please don’t be the problem, be part of the solution.  If a child tries to engage you in a conversation that you can tell they are both physically and emotionally struggling through, please stop and listen.

It seems that predators target kids with lower-self esteem the most and prey on those who lack strong identity and/or have a weaker social network.  Most disturbing for me was to learn that these predators can actually walk into a chat room, play ground, mall, etc., and can target these kids instantly, almost like radar.  We must protect.

Teach your kids to be aware of adult strangers that seem too interested in them too soon.

Dr. Michele Borba’s Reality Check is a great blog that provides tips, warning signs and workshops for parents and kids.