Taking on Self Esteem Issues – Mayor Bloomberg and NYC Girls project

Can you imagine what a world would be like if young girls and women were healthy, happy, confident, and found themselves beautiful and worthy of love and respect all the time? Think of how much that could change our society. Eating disorders and other forms of self harm would diminish. Cosmetic surgery would reduce. The diet industry would falter. Girls and women could better reach their full potential and engage with their community in support of one another. That is what New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is trying to achieve. It’s a campaign called NYC Girls Project and it’s the first major city funded effort in support of influencing a healthy body image and self-esteem targeting young girls age 7-12. The project runs ads on buses and subways containing messages for building positive self-esteem. It’s also calling for physical fitness classes and after school programs looking for concrete ways to combat the beauty ideal that consumes American culture and the pressure to maintain a perfect appearance. The endeavor has created a buzz, with a mixture of positive affirmation as well as criticism on the effectiveness of the project. “Will it work?”

By now, most people know about the Dove Campaign For Real Beauty that was launched by Unilever  in 2004. Similar to the NYC Girls Project, Dove created a team to help spread a wide variety of media coverage criticizing narrow beauty ideals while promoting healthy body and self-image in girls and women. This effort garnered attention from both supporters and naysayers. Regardless, studies have shown the project has been successful in helping build confidence and self-esteem in girls.

At this point, we are wise to think critically of campaigns that attempt to tackle this large issue, and we also need to remember that it won’t work magic overnight. It will take time and effort to make a change. The more communities, teams, schools and every day people that come together for this cause, the better we can find effective solutions to fight against poor self-esteem in girls.  We need to not only understand when in a girl’s life they start to struggle from poor self-esteem, but we also need to realize specifically how it comes to be and then determine what can be done about it before the damage is done.  Hopefully over time, actions taken in support of this movement can start a cultural shift and help change the way society views women and physical appearance, which in turn will start to shift the way girls and women feel about themselves and see themselves.  I applaud the mayor for this effort, but time will tell if the support is there to have a truly lasting effect.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

What Mean Girls Really Think: Confessions of a HS Bully

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Self-esteem means self-respect. Self-acceptance. Um…self-confidence. Knowing yourself. Knowing your weaknesses and your strengths and striving to manipulate them to serve you best.

Presenting an image is important. Like big time. You portray this image to the world of what you WANT to be. The image that you put out to everyone else is what you ASPIRE to become, not necessarily what you already are.

My mom pushes me hard to be the best. She’s like a total Asian tiger mom. I love her but it’s stressful sometimes. I have high expectations for myself too. I think I should be good at everything. Like I’m not the best at math but I would never admit to that. You wouldn’t hear me talking about how I had a math tutor and stuff. Since I wanted all As and I’m kind of dumb at precalc, I dropped it and went to the easy math. Now I’m one of the best in that class. I’ve maintained that image of perfection.

Me and my friends all have high expectations of each other as well. They’re tough on me and I’m tough on them. Like I’ll ask a girl, “Are you really going to where that to my party?” ‘Cause I don’t want her to give me and my friends a bad name. Or if a girl is slutting around, we let her know. We’re not exactly nice about it. We’re like, “You’re acting like a desperate hoe, so stop. Otherwise you’re not hanging out with us.” We gang up on her, like five on one.

We totally have each other’s back, just not in the nicest way.

Bullying IS real. It’s like the bitchy girl talking to the freshman, saying: “Why would you wear shorts ice skating? It’s cold in there.” And it’s true. Like, why would you? That’s what makes the bully so likeable. She’s totally honest. She’s not making it up; she’s just telling the truth and it’s funny.

I was given a hard time when I was a freshman too. Like every freshman, I was totally retarded. But I learned from that good hazing not to be dumb, how to have street smarts, what to wear or not wear, how to coast through high school, stuff like that.

So if you’re a freshman girl making out with your boyfriend in front of the school, you’re going to get shit for that. That’s honestly unacceptable. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re going to get bullied for doing stupid stuff.

And if you’re one of the strange girls wearing strange clothes, you’re going to get shit for that too. Like, the one who walked out of the locker room to go to a concert wearing a black tulle tutu thing. I mean, come on. A black tutu?

And me and my friends were like: That outfit is offensive. You need to change.

And she was like: Assholes.

And we were like: No. We have your back. If you walked down the street like this it’d be bad.

Don’t get me wrong, even the weird girls are perfectly nice. We just don’t hang out with them. You’ll often hear me and my girlfriends say that we don’t hang out with ugly people either, which is a really mean thing to say when you think about it. Like that’s a REALLY mean thing to say. But it’s kinda true. I don’t spend a lot of time with people who are, um…yeah. Ugly. It’s not like I’m trying to be a total bitch about it. It’s just that’s not who I find myself with.

Some girls may try hard to be the better person, but when the doors close in the locker room, they’re still like, “What the hell? Did you see what she was wearing?”

Excerpt from my upcoming book: Girl Talk: Boys, Bullies and Body Image. 

Teens Discover Self-Empowerment and Heart Centered Leadership Through Yoga

Guest Blog

For three years, I have taught a weekly yoga class to under-resourced teens. It is the happiest hour of my workweek. Both male and female students ranging in age from 13 to 18 participate. Like most teens, my students are navigating foreign and awkward territory. They experience hormonal changes, school stress, peer pressure and trying to become comfortable in their skin. However, my youth also encounter violence, hunger, and unstable home environments. As a result, they can checkout, have low self-esteem, difficulty focusing, act up or be in a constant state of fight or flight. Due to the trauma they face, some suffer from high levels of stress and depression. This all has a long term impact on physical and mental health, academic performance, forming stable and secure relationships, positive goal setting and accomplishment.

Class participants start in a circle. Each youth says a word or phrase that captures how they are feeling in the moment. It’s common to hear a mix of words like, happy, mellow, neutral, stressed, tired and sad. The students complete a reflection exercise and then move to a Hatha or Restorative yoga practice. Each week, the yoga and reflection activities are designed to build upon one another. Through yoga, participants learn to be healthy, engaged, relaxed and empowered; tools which enable them to pursue their dreams and live as leaders. They become comfortable and connected to their bodies and emotions, learn how to self-regulate through deep breathing, practice mindfulness, focus and connect to their hearts. Class ends with students sitting in a closing circle to share their moods. A shift often occurs, and words like relaxed, happy, great and flexible flow out of the teens’ mouths. What are the long-term impacts? One of my students said it best, “When life is stressful, relax. Yoga has taught me that if I stay focused, I can do anything.”

Shannon LeCompte has her M.Ed in Higher Education and is a Director at a national non-profit that empowers youth to attend and graduate from college. She is also a certified yoga instructor and teaches Restorative and Vinyasa yoga to adults and teens in the San Francisco Bay Area. She can be reached at  lecompte.shannon@gmail.com