Tag Archives: self-esteem

Self Sabotage: The Biggest Enemy of Healthy Self-esteem

Posted in General Health, Self-Esteem by

Self sabotage is your mind’s way of working against you for no logical reason.  Basically, it stems from unconscious beliefs that you are unworthy of happiness and/or success.  Low self-esteem is directly linked to self-sabotage because it reinforces those negative thoughts and controls what you believe you can achieve and puts a limit on how much.  Self sabotage can be reversed. It just takes figuring out the triggers, implementing the proper tools and consistently changing those negative thought patters.

Let’s call the inner person doing this damage (or sabotage) the saboteur.  Give the saboteur a name and create a visual so you know who you are combating when those negative thoughts come into your head.  Only you have the power to make the saboteur big or small, strong or weak, because you are the one allowing him or her to feed you with negative thoughts.

So how do you deal with self-sabotage?  First, you need to identify how you’re sabotaging yourself. Usually, the saboteur presents him or herself in the form of negative self-talk.  Examples: You can’t do it, you’re not smart enough, you aren’t thin enough, you will never get what you want, etc. The way we talk to ourselves started a long time ago when we were children and so it’s hard to change, but not impossible.  It just takes time and consistency. Negative self-talk will stay with you as long as you give it power. You simply need the right tools to fight it.

1) Become more in tune with your inner voice. I’m a huge believer in thought stopping.  As you hear yourself spiraling into the negative, literally say NO out load, stop the thought and immediately say 3 positive affirmations about yourself. For some reason, saying it out load actually makes you feel better and helps you realize how often you think negative thoughts.  If we are lucky, the number of negative thoughts become fewer day after day.  Envision the saboteur getting smaller and weaker. Don’t let the saboteur ever win.

2) I also like the idea of turning negative self-talk first into neutral self-talk. This gets you one step closer to positive self-talk and can be easier to do if the negative self-talk is strong when you first start these exercises. The saboteur loves mental complaining, she feeds off it. Don’t give her the satisfaction.  No more “I can’t” but how about “I will try.” If a friend cancels on you, neutral self-talk says “What should I now do with that free time?” If  you don’t get everything accomplished on your to-do-list, neutral self-talk doesn’t beat you up but says, “Maybe I can finish this list tomorrow.”  No complaining allowed, only neutral thoughts.  It takes time to recalibrate your thinking, but it can happen.

3) Another suggestion is to keep a journal and write down all the ways in which you consistently find yourself self-sabotaging. Put it right there out in the open for you to see; it takes the power away for the saboteur. Next, you need to add to each of those self sabotaging actions what positive or neutral actions/thoughts would look like. So the next time you find yourself self sabotaging in that exact manner, you can carry out the healthy plan of action that you already identified in the journal. The key is follow through.

4) ALWAYS surround yourself with people who truly love and support you. Stay away from negative people, they will only bring you down further.  Your saboteur loves negative people because having them around only reinforces their presence. If you find yourself with negative people, envision a shield protecting you and their thoughts simply bouncing off.  Visualization is an effective and powerful tool.

 

The Power of Peer Pressure

Posted in Articles for Parents, General Health by

Whose disapproval is hardest to take for a teen: A parent, friend or teacher?

It’s probably no surprise that teens rate their friend’s and classmates disapproval as most difficult to take; however, it may surprise you that behind friends, a far second would be their teachers and in last place are mom and dad.

Disapproval by their friends and classmates will be avoided at any cost. This is where peer pressure can come into play if they do not have a strong sense of self (healthy self-esteem). It also indicates that the classroom is a micro-society for boys and girls where peer influence is heavily weighted. This can be a huge challenge for many young people since a large portion of their day is spent at school. Let’s not forget the 17-year-old boy who recently jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge while on a school field trip. The authorities are speculating that he did it on a “dare” from classmates. If that turns out to be the case, this act shows the power and magnitude of peer pressure among our young people. To combat those pressures, self-esteem must be built up and nurtured by family and friends early on. Support systems must also be in place to continually foster their self-esteem as they grow.

Teens, be sure the friends you make have your best interest at heart. A true friend would never put you in harm’s way or make you prove your self-worth by a life threatening act.  They should love, respect and accept you for who you are.  And mom and dad, don’t forget your teens first started learning social queues by observing you and your interactions with friends and family from the time they could crawl.  How you treat people and how you allow people to treat you will rub off on them. Keep this in mind so by the time they are teens and start pushing away from parental advice and approval, they will still carry with them the values and standards they observed in you.

Build a Mentor Collage

Posted in Tip of the Week by

Many girls/women are visual learners, which is why magazines love to use bright colors, bold detail, and pretty pictures to lure us in.  Use this attribute to your benefit.  Create a mentor collage. This is a great activity for teens and tweens.

Cut out pictures of all the strong, powerful and wonderful men and women you look up to in this world, glue them together and build a collage.  You can be as creative as you’d like with the layout of the design as long as it appeals to your visual sensibility.  Place this collage somewhere in your room, house, or school locker where you can easily see it.

Remember this can be anyone from family members to historical, political, or musical figures to neighbors, teachers or even friends.  Consider them your personal “board of directors” or “army” behind you 100% of the way. Look to them when you need strength.  Turn to them when you feel down, sad or defeated.  Their images will remind you of what they went through and what they were able to accomplished.  This will ultimately remind you that if they can do it, so can you.