Tag Archives: High school

What Every Parent Needs to Know About the College Process

Posted in Articles for Parents, College Guidance by

Choosing a college can be the first real big decisions you and your child make together.  Managing expectations, finding the right schools and honing in on the proper academic program are no easy tasks—especially when you’re negotiating the deal with an eighteen year old child. Please keep in mind that you and your child are allies in the search and not on competing teams. Work together, find out what they are looking for in a college and share with them what is important to you during their college experience. There can be a healthy balance for all involved. I would encourage the college dialog to at least begin after your child’s sophomore year.  This way they will grow accustomed to hearing the word “college” and believe it or not this will cause them to start thinking about it as well.  Set a time-line for your family.  Remember that college applications are mostly due by April of their senior year (the prior December if you are interested in early decision.)  So, work backwards from this timeline and you’ll be able to keep everyone on track.

Some issues to think about during the process: When should your child approach their guidance counselor for some preliminary information about colleges?  Who will research other schools not mentioned by the HS counselor?  When will you set aside time to sit down together and discuss the college options. In addition, applications need to be ordered, which takes time and college visits need to be organized.  Please remember that writing well-developed essays takes time; generally more time than students typically a lot for. This is where the bulk on the application time will be spent.  Not all colleges ask the same essay questions, so the earlier you receive those applications the better. One suggestion that I have is after you have chosen your top 3 schools, go ahead and request their application from the previous year. This way you will have a feel for what their essay questions generally look like and you can get a jump-start on the process before their new application comes available. You never know – they may just use the same questions.  Lastly, recommenders need to be approached. Trust me, no one likes being approached in the 11th hour and asked to write a recommendation.  If you want a well thought out and thoughtful letter or recommendation, talk to your recommenders early in the process. They will appreciate your respect for their time.

Setting up a structured time-line for you and your child will help everyone involved understand the process more thoroughly as well as reduce burnout.  Your child needs to manage their time and energy to have well-developed and competitive applications completed by deadline. Most importantly, listen to your child and their wants when it comes to choosing a college. Remember, it is going to be the next four years of “their” life.  This may be one of those times when the old at edge “mother knows best” may not apply.  Work with your child, this can be a great experience for both of you.

The 20% Teens Don’t Tell Their Parents

Posted in Articles for Parents, Peer Pressure by

I have to say, one of my favorite questions to ask a teens is “What percentage of information do you not share with your parents?”  I get a lot of surprised looks from teens when I ask this question, but none of them refuse to answer. If fact, just the opposite. They want to tell me. Usually they take a moment, and with a smirk on their face…..they say “20%”.  Now this 20% usually relates to one of more of the following areas, so parents take note.

1) Friends– Do you know all of your teen’s friends? Probably not, but I’m sure you are aware of the ones getting good grades and playing on the soccer team. What about the other friends…. the ones smoking, getting kicked out of school or passing out at the party. These are the friends that your teen knows you wouldn’t approve of and so they don’t tell you about them. However, these friends are highly influential with your teen.

2) Drinking/alcohol- I have yet to hear one story from a teen where alcohol was NOT at the party.  Your teen may or may not choose to drink, but the alcohol is ever present.  They are usually attending the parties because that is what one does to be “popular” in high school.  If they don’t want to drink, the smart ones designate themselves as the driver, so they don’t get peer pressured into a drinking game or a bottle of beer.

3) Stress/anxiety- Kids today are stressed out.  I’m not really sure how or when this happened, but they are all constantly talking about how stressed out they are. Their anxiety usually relates to school and getting good grades if college is on their mind. Or it’s related to  being well liked by their peers and socially accepted by those in class or on their team. Plainly put….being popular. This anxiety occupies a lot of their time.

4) Boys- Girls worry or “wonder” about boys. It’s a fact. Having a boyfriend, not having a boyfriend and the expectations from boys these days. Many girls are seeking advice, but don’t know where to go.  Even if your teen tells you that they don’t care, trust me…it’s on their mind.

5) Body image– I’d say at least 90% of the girls I have spoken with, wish they were thinner.  At least 50% of those same girls also have experienced eating disorders at one time. Many feel a silent pressure from media, friends, and/or family about being disciplined, staying thin and not over indulging.

Teens today don’t want to bother their parents with these issues. They see their parents as too busy, stressed out, working late and don’t want to burden them.  So, they are constantly saying that “everything is fine” when in fact, it’s not.  They are worrying about a lot of things on the inside, but you would never know it. Why? Because they don’t want you to see it.  In the words of one 16 yr. old teen that I interviewed, “you can hide a lot behind a smile.”

Parents, take the time to sit down with your teen and talk to them. Don’t let them off the hook so easily when they say “everything is fine.” Let them see that you care about this 20% and that you are there for them.

My Journey Writing a Book on Teen Self-Esteem

Posted in General Health, Girl Talk: Boys, Bullies and Body Image by

So….I’ve been interviewing girls from a variety of high schools in the San Francisco Bay Area for my book roughly 2 months now. I’m truly enjoying the process and appreciate that the schools are allowing me in and that the girls are comfortable and (hopefully) honest with the information they share with me.  Some of the information is very insightful, enlightening, and sometimes surprising. I’ve spoken with some teen girls where I never wanted the interview to end.  Other times it was almost painful, trying to find something that connected with them and that they wanted to talk to me about. For those girls, I wonder “why did you choose to do this interview?’  I have been blown away by their openness and sometimes by their innocence. It’s completely contrasting to talk to a girl who is academically bright and can name for me her top 5 college choices while only in her sophomore year, yet in the next sentence asks me if I think she’s fat. I’ve been  pleasantly surprised by their wisdom, their concern for the environment and the well-being of others in war torn countries. While I’ve also been angered by their lack of self value and their unwillingness to stand up for what is right.

But this is a journey and there are many more girls for me to interview. I look forward to being surprised, disappointed, enlightened and sometimes saddened each and every time.  Thank you