Tag Archives: Body image

How to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem

Posted in Self-Esteem, Tip of the Week by

Self-esteem is basically how we see ourselves in relation to others. It’s not fixed, which means it’s changeable. We all have good days and bad days, but every day is a new opportunity for changing or repairing our self-esteem. To treat ourselves right.  Here are just 5 quick tips that will help repair your self-esteem.

1. Have a positive outlook

Wake up telling yourself all the good things in your life before getting out of bed. Literally….  Don’t allow negative thoughts in as you lay there, push them out.  If it helps, say all the good things out-loud, then get out of the bed.  Every day it will get easier and easier and you will feel yourself waking up with more things to share and a more positive attitude. Acknowledge and stop the negative thoughts about yourself before the day gets started.

2. Challenge yourself once a week 

I don’t care if it’s trying a new activity, cooking a foreign meal or going somewhere you have never  been.  This helps us stretch our world and opens up our mind to more possibilities and opportunities. This type of action builds upon itself and you will find your challenges getting more and more bold or daring.  Ultimately, your self pride will grow.

3. Do something scary

I don’t mean walk down any dark allies at nigh, but I do mean take a risk!  Try zip lining….. say hi to a boy you have never talked to of run for class officer. You will be surprised by how amazing it feels after you have accomplished the action. You will experience a natural high similar to the one runners experience.  It’s a great uplifting feeling and it’s addictive.  You’ll be looking for the next big challenge.

4. Share your thoughts/feelings with your parents or close friends

Yes, this can also constitute as something scary, but this time it’s verbal action not physical action. A lot of teens don’t tell others about their worries or serious concerns.  They don’t think parents want to hear it and/or they don’t trust their friends with truly personal matters.  Take a chance…… share your feelings.  You will be surprised by how the information is received by your family and friends. It will bring you closer and you will feel a sense of relief for getting something off your chest, not to mention your level of trust in others will increase.

5. Stop engaging in negative activities that bring you down

Don’t hang around with people who put you down or don’t treat you right. They have no room in your life.  Stop mistreating your body with poor sleep, processed foods and no physical exercise. These things do affect your mood which in turn, affects your self-esteem whether you realize it or not. If you don’t think that you are worth it, no one else will either.

 

How Teens Define Self-Esteem

I love to ask teen girls to define self-esteem. Some of them give very poignant definitions of self-esteem. They mention how they feels about themselves and how others view them as well. They use words such as self-image, self-love, respect, confidence and dignity. Others talk about self-esteem in relation to what it is not. As in, it’s not putting yourself down, telling yourself that you are fat, doing what others tell you, and it’s not letting people walk all over you. Some of the girls are more comfortable giving examples of how they see self-esteem in their life instead of giving me a definition. Some tell me stories related to positive self-esteem. I hear stories of doing well on a test, having a boy like them, or scoring a goal during a sporting event. While others relay stories about negative self-esteem. These stories usually start with the phrase “let me tell you about the worst day of my life” and usually end with somebody fighting, crying, lying to a parent, throwing up/passing out at a party and/or all of the above. A few have told me how their self-esteem depends upon the situation they are in and therefore couldn’t give me one concrete definition. A chameleon approach. As in, with their academics they feel more confident, but when it comes to fitting in with their peers they feel less comfortable and have lower self-esteem. And lastly, some girls simply used free association to define self-esteem and say words like: body image, maturity, respect, confidence, and liking yourself. What I find so surprising is that they can articulate that the core concept of self-esteem comes from within, yet when trying to build that self-esteem, they look externally. To friends, to trends and most likely to boys. Obviously, some of these answers vary depending upon the girl’s age, life experiences and ability to articulate self-esteem. However, by and large they seek outside themselves for validation of self-esteem. We need to challenge their thinking and offer them ways of approaching self-esteem internally. To focus inward and give useful feedback, tools and techniques that can help build their self-esteem today, tomorrow and the next no matter what life throws their way.

Top Ten Stressors for the Average Teenage Girl

Posted in General Health, Self-Esteem by

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The top ten stressors for the average teenage girl come in many forms. Some may surprise you and some may not, but what they all have in common is a damaging effect on teen self-esteem.

Body Image— How she sees herself, how she compares herself to her friends, and the complications of eating disorders.

Boys/relationships–Wanting a boy or girl to like her, but not necessarily understanding how to go about it a healthy or positive way. Romanticizing the concept of a relationship.

Bullying— Wearing the scars from being bullied in middle school or junior high that never seem to fully go away. Worrying that she will be bullied again.

Friends— Wanting to be popular and having a group of friends, yet still worrying about being fully accepted by them.  Fitting in and knowing how to conform, but wondering about individuality.

Gossip— Worrying about being judged by others, but at the same time judging them. Worrying about rumors that may or may not be true & people cutting you down.

Media Beauty Ideals— Scanning magazines and websites, teens take cues from what the media considers beautiful. This in turn causes self hate if they don’t meet those physical ideals set by society.

Parents— Expectations put upon them by their parents, having a poor relationship with one or both of their parents and/or being compared to a sibling.

Peer pressure — Wanting to be part of the group, but not wanting to drink, do drugs, shoplift or have unwanted sexual encounters to be accepted.

Perfectionism/self-image— Setting unrealistic expectations for themselves. Unsure of how others actually see them and of  how they want to be seen in relation to school, culture and society. Always questioning who they are and striving  to be “perfect.”

School— Getting good grades and getting into the college of her choice, wondering if she’s smart enough, and comparing her grades to her friends.