“Guest Blog” From Teen Mom to Physician: How my Mentor Made a Difference

Since childhood, I had dreamt of becoming a physician. When I became pregnant at sixteen, the summer before my senior year, that dream seemed out of reach. My son Jonathan was born three weeks before high school graduation. Despite many obstacles, I was able to enroll in college at the University of Nevada in Reno. I had financial challenges. I was able to work during my freshman year but there never seemed to be enough hours in the day to study, work and take care of my son. In addition, I didn’t have much guidance how to succeed in college. My mother was a single mother and never attended college. My father had been out of the picture. My path seemed incredibly hard and I didn’t have someone who could guide me and encourage me.

Fortunately, I applied for a scholarship from a women’s organization and I was very grateful to receive it. I also gained a mentor. Alice didn’t look like me and it was clear we didn’t have the same background. We were a generation apart, she was white and I am black, I was struggling financially and she was successful businesswoman. Yet, she saw something in me and made the choice to approach me and extend her hand and heart.

Over the years, she had provided clothes and bicycles for Jonathan. She would ask me to write a ‘wish list’ for Jonathan and I was always reluctant to tell her what Jonathan needed, but she, as a another mother, added items she knew that Jonathan would benefit from receiving. She provided guidance, encouragement and support as I began the process of applying to medical school. She believed that I, a single teenage mother, could become a doctor. Alice taught me about being resourceful. She was so encouraging, that when I doubted my own abilities, it was reassuring to know that someone believed in me–that someone put their time and energy into helping to fulfill a young girl’s dream to make a difference in the world. And when I graduated from Stanford Medical School in 2003, she proudly sat in the front row alongside my family, beaming as much as they were.

Alice became my mentor sixteen years ago. Now, I am that successful physician and mother that I dreamed of becoming. Over the years, our relationship has evolved and she continues to be my mentor while I mentor pre-medical students who are working towards achieving their dreams. For teens who make choices that have significant consequences, such as teenage pregnancy, substance abuse, legal concerns, etc. often society assumes that these adolescents won’t go on to do very much in life. Their families may have given up hope.  There is society’s concern that they may drain a community’s resources rather than positively contribute to the community. With support, I believe that many of these young people can get back on track and still lead successful lives, but they need others to believe in them so that they feel confident and worthy of doing so. In addition, mentors can guide teens, so that they don’t continue to make decisions that make their lives more challenging or difficult. Mentors don’t have to be the same gender, same profession, same race, all that is needed is  some life experience, some time, and genuine desire to help a young person move forward in their life. My relationship with Alice made all the difference in my life and I am the grateful result of the power of mentorship.

For more information on mentoring: www.mentoring.org

You can find Dr. Melanie Watkins book “Taking My Medicine: My Journey from Teenage Mother to Physician” on amazon and you may contact her at www.drmelaniewatkins.com.

Top Ten Stressors for the Average Teenage Girl

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The top ten stressors for the average teenage girl come in many forms. Some may surprise you and some may not, but what they all have in common is a damaging effect on teen self-esteem.

Body Image— How she sees herself, how she compares herself to her friends, and the complications of eating disorders.

Boys/relationships–Wanting a boy or girl to like her, but not necessarily understanding how to go about it a healthy or positive way. Romanticizing the concept of a relationship.

Bullying— Wearing the scars from being bullied in middle school or junior high that never seem to fully go away. Worrying that she will be bullied again.

Friends— Wanting to be popular and having a group of friends, yet still worrying about being fully accepted by them.  Fitting in and knowing how to conform, but wondering about individuality.

Gossip— Worrying about being judged by others, but at the same time judging them. Worrying about rumors that may or may not be true & people cutting you down.

Media Beauty Ideals— Scanning magazines and websites, teens take cues from what the media considers beautiful. This in turn causes self hate if they don’t meet those physical ideals set by society.

Parents— Expectations put upon them by their parents, having a poor relationship with one or both of their parents and/or being compared to a sibling.

Peer pressure — Wanting to be part of the group, but not wanting to drink, do drugs, shoplift or have unwanted sexual encounters to be accepted.

Perfectionism/self-image— Setting unrealistic expectations for themselves. Unsure of how others actually see them and of  how they want to be seen in relation to school, culture and society. Always questioning who they are and striving  to be “perfect.”

School— Getting good grades and getting into the college of her choice, wondering if she’s smart enough, and comparing her grades to her friends.

A Lesson in Teen Sexting

I learned a lot about teens and sexting over the past few months. However, I would say that not all teens are sexting. It seems more like 50-50. Some teens that I speak with aren’t even quite sure what it is while others can share with me multiple stories about people they know where sexting experiences have gone wrong. There seems to be a range of acceptance within the sexting world.  Many of the girls that I speak with will send sexy messages to their boyfriends, but many draw the line at sending naked photos.

Just to bring everyone up to speed, sexting is when a girl or boy sends a sexual message or photo to another girl or boy. Many of the teens that do sext are very smart about it. They have rules. You don’t sext and post over the Internet ( i.e. Facebook.) They only sext via text because, in their words “that can easily be deleted.” When we hear stories of sexting in the news, it’s usually because of 1 of 2 scenarios have occurred.

1) A girl has sent a photo to a boy that she likes. Keep in mind that he may have requested the photo. That particular boy has a girlfriend. The girlfriend intercepts the photo from his phone, is angry that another girl has sent him a photo and shares the photo with others over the Internet basically as revenge.

2) A boy requests a photo from a girl. Sometimes he’ll send a photo of himself shirtless to the girl first and then requests a photo back. The boy has no real interest in the girl, he just wants the photo. The girl, if she likes him, is usually flattered and unsure what to do next. Bad judgment comes into play as well as peer pressure, so she sends a photo of herself back to him. This could be anything from shirtless, to completely topless, to completely nude. The boy then shares the photo with his friends (male and female) and before you know it, the photo has gone viral.

From the teen perspective, most sexting stays private. They see it as harmless. I’ve heard stories of girls transferring to another school after an embarrassing sexting experience, and yet teens still think it’s ok to send photos of themselves. With this younger generation, it seems that the line between public and private has become completely blurred. This is where I see technology as a very dangerous tool, if not understood and used properly.

Here are a few sexting codes that teens are using today.

KPC= Keeping Parents Clueless

#8= Oral Sex

TDTM= Talk Dirty to Me

GNOC=  Get Naked on Cam