Category Archives: Self-Esteem

How Volunteering Leads to Higher Self-Esteem

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Many teens today do have healthy self-esteem.  I find teens that engage in one of 3 specific activities to have the highest self-esteem and the most positive self-regard. Theses activities center around doing for others and/or have a higher purpose beyond self.

1) Working— Having a job can be a powerful tool to build one’s self-esteem.  It promotes responsibility, dependability, people (depending on the job) look to you for help or information and the reward is the power of knowledge and ultimately a pay check.  I remember one teen telling me that she loved her job at a scarf shop because people were always asking her advise on colors and styles and sometimes buying the scarfs that she picked out.  It made her feel important and valued, which boosted her self-esteem.

2) Volunteering—Teens that volunteer and move beyond their comfort zone, see how much they really do have. They gain a healthy perspective on their life and reflect on how fortune they are. Some teens with the highest self-esteem engage in volunteer activities with a parent.  It becomes “their thing” to do weekly or one saturday a month.  It leads to real conversations about the world, life, happiness and the importance of charity. My hat goes off to all the mom’s and dad’s who engage in volunteer activities with their children.  It pays off more than you realize.  You are raising compassionate, giving, well-adjusted teens, who lead by your example. Remember, long-term consistency is key here.

3) Playing a Sport– Teens that are trained athletes and/or play on sports teams tend to have higher self-esteem.  There is something very powerful in pushing oneself further that you expect you can go to realize what you’re made of.  The concept of being part of a team and striving toward something together creates a sense of belonging and pride, kind of like a family. You have others counting on you, expecting you to give your all for the good of the team. It becomes much more than physical fitness or ability, it leads to mental and emotional growth as well. Looking beyond yourself for the good of the team strengthens maturity, confidence and  self-esteem.

How to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem

Posted in Self-Esteem, Tip of the Week by

Self-esteem is basically how we see ourselves in relation to others. It’s not fixed, which means it’s changeable. We all have good days and bad days, but every day is a new opportunity for changing or repairing our self-esteem. To treat ourselves right.  Here are just 5 quick tips that will help repair your self-esteem.

1. Have a positive outlook

Wake up telling yourself all the good things in your life before getting out of bed. Literally….  Don’t allow negative thoughts in as you lay there, push them out.  If it helps, say all the good things out-loud, then get out of the bed.  Every day it will get easier and easier and you will feel yourself waking up with more things to share and a more positive attitude. Acknowledge and stop the negative thoughts about yourself before the day gets started.

2. Challenge yourself once a week 

I don’t care if it’s trying a new activity, cooking a foreign meal or going somewhere you have never  been.  This helps us stretch our world and opens up our mind to more possibilities and opportunities. This type of action builds upon itself and you will find your challenges getting more and more bold or daring.  Ultimately, your self pride will grow.

3. Do something scary

I don’t mean walk down any dark allies at nigh, but I do mean take a risk!  Try zip lining….. say hi to a boy you have never talked to of run for class officer. You will be surprised by how amazing it feels after you have accomplished the action. You will experience a natural high similar to the one runners experience.  It’s a great uplifting feeling and it’s addictive.  You’ll be looking for the next big challenge.

4. Share your thoughts/feelings with your parents or close friends

Yes, this can also constitute as something scary, but this time it’s verbal action not physical action. A lot of teens don’t tell others about their worries or serious concerns.  They don’t think parents want to hear it and/or they don’t trust their friends with truly personal matters.  Take a chance…… share your feelings.  You will be surprised by how the information is received by your family and friends. It will bring you closer and you will feel a sense of relief for getting something off your chest, not to mention your level of trust in others will increase.

5. Stop engaging in negative activities that bring you down

Don’t hang around with people who put you down or don’t treat you right. They have no room in your life.  Stop mistreating your body with poor sleep, processed foods and no physical exercise. These things do affect your mood which in turn, affects your self-esteem whether you realize it or not. If you don’t think that you are worth it, no one else will either.

 

The Girls I Know… Misconceptions about African American Teens and Young Women

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Guest blog by Meridith Gould, Ph.D.

I have spent a lot of my adult life working with and for adolescent girls. I would have never thought when I was a young girl that I would commit my professional life to the empowerment of girls. My passion for working with and writing about girls grew after I spent my first year working as a professor at Spelman College. Spelman is a historically Black Women’s institution. I was always committed to working in inner-city communities and I love to work with under-served girls of color. But, it was after I took my Spelman students to a local boys and girls club to volunteer that I realized that there was a huge gap in the literature, resources and services for inner-city African American girls.

There are many misconceptions about African American girls and young women. Much of the literature and articles written focuses on myths and assumptions about their experience.  And usually the narrative is negative and portrays them as “welfare mom”, “drop out” etc.  It is true that some African American girls in poor communities are negatively impacted by violence and systemic poverty. However, the factors that affect their communities (drug & gang violence, systemic poverty and inadequate schools) is not something that they choose, but rather something they have to deal with. Additionally, challenges like teenage pregnancy and low graduation rates have also plagued many urban communities. But, the girls that I work with and admire have a far more profound experience and identity that is rarely praised and highlighted. I sometimes believe that it is easier for individuals to write about what is not working and to condemn poor girls of color as a way to put blame on them when in actuality it is society’s responsibility to transform the lives of these girls.

The girls I spend time with are resilient. They are profoundly smart and deeply spiritual and wise. African American girls in low-income communities are empowered and believe in themselves despite the fact that many other “groups” tell them they will not succeed. Their self-esteem far surpasses many of their peers from more affluent communities. Their sense of self is strong and their connection to their community is honorable. Yes, many would like to live in a safer community that will afford them more opportunities for success, but they value their connection to their culture and are proud of their racial identity.

They celebrate their body and have a healthy image of who they are. They believe they can succeed. They might not know how they will get out of their neighborhood or afford college but are hopeful they will earn the opportunity to do so. Their experience is multi-dimensional and layered. Like all women and girls, they have dreams and hopes and want the chance to achieve them. The intersection of race, glass and gender and historical forms of oppression has made it more challenging for many girls who live in under-served neighborhoods to carve out a new path.

It has been hugely important for me to advocate for all girls and share their voice. I believe that girls have the right to be valued for the content of their character, measurement of their integrity and their commitment to making a difference.  The girls that I work with are strong, smart and bold and have a resiliency and empowerment that makes me very proud.

Meridith Gould has more than 15 years of experience in training and educational consulting. She has a PhD in Conflict Analysis and Resolution.  She has served as a program director, educational consultant, trainer and educator for students in K-12. She is also a certified trainer of diversity, peer-mediation, youth violence, bullying prevention, dating abuse, and girl’s development. Dr. Gould’s “Empower Me: Adolescent Girls” curricula is implemented at many youth serving organizations and schools in the United States and Kenya.