Category Archives: General Health

The Triangle of Self-Perseverance: Confidence, Self-Esteem and Approval

Posted in General Health, Self-Esteem by

Confidence, self-esteem and approval are all tied very closely. Combined, I call this the triangle of self-perseverance.  They are interwoven and when out of balance, we can’t be the best version of ourselves. Like a science project that successfully shows cause-and-effect when elements are evenly poured, so too happens with the proper mixture of confidence, self-esteem and approval. Through building one’s confidence we see self-esteem emerge; however, the challenge is where we seek our approval.  For many teens, they look to their peers for approval and if they don’t receive the acceptance they seek, this can damage their confidence and ultimately their self-esteem. So keeping the triangle of self-perseverance in balance is not easy.

Confidence is that undefinable ability or feeling we have that tells us that we can do it.  That we are smart enough or strong enough to take something on, win or lose.  It provides us with a sense of self where we are comfortable to try something and not fear failure, but look upon it as a growth opportunity. This builds resilience in all of us which in turn squashes fear and cultivates self-esteem.

Self-esteem is how much you like who you are and how much you accept and respect yourself. Healthy self-esteem can serve much like a shield of armor against the challenges of the world.  Self-esteem will change throughout your life, so the key to positive self-esteem is to stay confident in who you are and to surround yourself with good people who give you a healthy dose of reality as well as approval.

Approval or acceptance comes in many forms from interactions with parents, teachers, coaches to friends and colleagues.  However, ultimate approval comes from a place deep within that says, “I’m ok with me. I accept me for who I am.” Getting to that place can be tough for many of us.  During the critical teen years, youth look to their peers more than anyone else for approval. They also need to see this approval reinforced at home and school by caring adults in their lives. This is how the delicate balancing act of confidence, self-esteem and approval come together.

To raise confident kids, we must reinforce their success and failures; give them room to grow and build autonomy. Through this process, confidence will ultimately blossom.  Then we must encourage them to take on challenges big or small and praise them for their successes as well understand their defeats. This is where their self-esteem will be tested. Remember, valuable life lessons come from failure. As Robert F. Kennedy said,  “Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly.” Encourage them to keep going, teach them perseverance and resilience will follow.  Ultimately, they will grow strong, trust in themselves and look inward for approval.  Through this symmetry self-perseverance will ultimately be found.

How The Arts Can Foster Self-Esteem

Posted in Articles for Parents, Self-Esteem by

Research has shown that activities such as singing, playing instruments and writing can serve as very powerful forms of expression that help build self-esteem.

The action of singing out loud is a very powerful tool. It let’s a person connect to others in a very different way. It allows one to show who they are through a medium that is both beautiful and strong.  A shy teen expressing him or herself on stage in front of an audience through song is very healing. It commands attentions and puts smiles on people’s faces.  The words one sings are also very powerful and serve as a way to nourish the soul and help us feel better when having a bad day. This ability can be quite empowering and important to building self-esteem.

The mastering of an instrument is no easy task, but with practice comes perfection. It takes patience, concentrate and dexterity.  Sticking with something day after day such as learning a song and learning how to play it, can create an amazing sense of accomplishment. Hearing that song and sharing it with others can create a sense of pride which in turn builds one’s self-esteem.  After rising to the challenge and performing a song (one never thought possible) many teens then feel confident to take on other challenges in their life.

Journaling and poetry are two forms of self-expression that build positive self-esteem and clarity. One can express things through written word that otherwise cannot be expressed through conversation. Sometimes feelings are scary and can be more easily explored in private with a diary. While others choose to write poetry as a form of self-affirmation. Sharing a poem one has written sends a powerful message, similar to singing.

Self expression can come in so many forms and no two kids are like, so help them find their voice.

Helicopter Parents-Please Give Your Kids Some Room

Posted in Articles for Parents, General Health by

I know this may be an unpopular statement to make, but parents you must give your children room to breathe!

Every Saturday at my gym there is a karate class right next to where I work out. Weekly, I watch all these adorable children (probably between the ages of 5-9) go to class. I watch parents file their children in and hand them over to one of the instructors and then leave. However, time and time again, I watch this one mother go ahead into the classroom with her child, sit herself down, and stay for the entire karate lesson.  I’m not quite sure why she thinks this would benefit the child because it’s clear to me and probably anybody else watching that this is not the best idea.  The child does not spend his time watching the instructors, but rather his mother. He really  isn’t paying attention to the movements/forms or connecting with the other children.  The child looks over to his mother constantly for approval and his skills are not where they should be in relation to the rest of the children in the class. Why? Because he’s torn between instructor and mother and at this young age, mother will always win. He’s afraid to disappoint mom and therefore doesn’t take any age appropriate risks. Risks which are critical for healthy growth. We are talking about the fourth stage of  psychological development called “Industry vs Inferiority.”  Erikson coined this period as a time when the child must deal with demands to learn new skills or risk a sense of incompetence.  I’m sure this is not with the mother intends; however, I don’t know how she cannot see the distress on her child’s face as he keeps looking to her with every move he makes.

Parents, let your children develop a sense of independence.  There is nothing wrong with sitting on the sideline watching, but please no hovering. Remember, you are already larger than life to your child so please give them room to breathe if you want them to grow into independent, autonomous teens with healthy self-esteem.