Category Archives: General Health

Perfectionism and Protection- A Teen’s Story of Addiction and Control

Posted in General Health, Girl Talk: Boys, Bullies and Body Image by

 She’s a petite 17-year-old girl, with little makeup and a kind smile. She is an only child. She has good relationships with her friends and loves to talk with them about boys, school stress, and gossip. She would never talk specifically about struggle she’s dealing with at home, but she will hint about them indirectly with her friends. She doesn’t talk to any of her friends about serious issues that she’s dealing with nor does she talk to her parents. I innocently asked, who’s there for you?  Her response,“that’s why I now have a therapist.”  She explained how when she was 16 years old she had everything bottled up inside her and struggled with depression, extreme mood swings and sought solace in drugs and alcohol. She talked about how her depression hit an all-time low at one point and she overdosed. Her drug of choice ecstasy and alcohol of choice vodka. Once this happened she had to come clean to her parents and tell them about the depression and obviously the drugs and alcohol. She was extremely scared because she had never opened up to them about “anything” before. When she told her parents about the drug issue her mom cried and her dad was sad. She was surprised by how open and comforting they were about her situation and sent her to rehab. The thing she feels the worse about is that by coming clean to her parents, she’s basically admitting to them that they don’t know her. She’s been lying to them. Lying about who she is and what she does. This truly bothered her the most. She said that time heals all when talking about going into treatment for her drug and alcohol issues. She then tells me that on top of the drug and alcohol issues and the depression, she also had an eating disorder. She had become anorexic for a period of time as a form of control over her life. She felt hiding the eating disorder was very easy to do. She stressed to me that it had nothing to do with body image at all, it was all about control.

 

Mom as Role Model. The Importance of Modeling Positive Self-Acceptance Around Your Daughters.

Posted in Articles for Parents, General Health, Self-Esteem by

What girl hasn’t grown up noticing how she’s noticed?  If she is frequently praised for her looks a girl will quickly realize that’s how she is valued.  And if a girl grows up hearing her mother complain about her own body and her appearance, a daughter will also learn that that’s just what women do — be critical of themselves and never enjoy the strength and beauty of their bodies.  How mothers model body acceptance and body awareness can have a profound impact on a daughter’s self-esteem and future understanding of her own adult body.  Constantly hearing critical self-talk, especially around the subject of weight, bonding with other women through dieting and denial, along with automatic cringing in response to a glance in a mirror is a certain way for the cycle of body hatred to continue within a family.

About a year ago the article, “How to Talk to Little Girls” went viral on the Internet as the author mentions, “This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat.”  Author Lisa Bloom suggests concrete ways to connect with young girls besides commenting on their looks.  Interestingly, she also published parallel advice in an article entitled, “How to Talk to Little Boys” which steers (often well-meaning) adults away from stereotypical topics that don’t give boys room to express other interests.

There’s no doubt that most women in America have absorbed conventional definitions of beauty that are presented by the media – being model-thin, tall, with polished skin and long hair, and often a frank sexiness.  The fact that this type of woman represents a fraction of how average American women look is often left out the equation yet doesn’t diminish the aspirational influence created on the pages of national magazines.

Media messages about how girls are taught how they ought to look are ubiquitous, and hard to filter, hence the importance of teaching media literacy early on, as one model recently did, emphasizing that what is seen in magazines is different from what is seen in real life.  But what about the messages girls receive from one of the most important people in their lives — the one who can most influence her ideas about her appearance and convey, by example, what it means to love one’s body.

When a girl grows up hearing her mother commenting negatively on her appearance when she passes a mirror with “I look terrible!” or “I’m too fat,” or bonding with other female friends through dieting or negative body commentary girls learn that this is what she’s supposed to do as well.  In a recent media cycle, this honest writer insisted that her “mom body” stay in her childrens’ pictures and received a huge outpouring of support about changing the dynamic of what’s okay to have represented.  And other writers have recently spoken out, courageously, about demonstrating to their daughters that their “mom bodies” are strong and worthy of admiration.

What to do in face of so much pressure — for moms and daughters alike? It can be very hard to know how to change the conversation.  One simple way to start is to stop the critical self-talk.  Instead, model positive self-acceptance around girls. Eat balanced meals that include dessert; show your daughter that you aren’t “bad” or “good” for eating certain foods, but human.  Exercise together as a way to model what a strong, powerful body can do.  Show your daughter that you take pleasure in moving — dancing, running, lifting something heavy and resolving problems.  No one can be a greater influence on a daughter’s developing body — and mind.  It may not be “perfection” that they, or you, see — but it will be normalcy.

How to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem

Posted in Self-Esteem, Tip of the Week by

Self-esteem is basically how we see ourselves in relation to others. It’s not fixed, which means it’s changeable. We all have good days and bad days, but every day is a new opportunity for changing or repairing our self-esteem. To treat ourselves right.  Here are just 5 quick tips that will help repair your self-esteem.

1. Have a positive outlook

Wake up telling yourself all the good things in your life before getting out of bed. Literally….  Don’t allow negative thoughts in as you lay there, push them out.  If it helps, say all the good things out-loud, then get out of the bed.  Every day it will get easier and easier and you will feel yourself waking up with more things to share and a more positive attitude. Acknowledge and stop the negative thoughts about yourself before the day gets started.

2. Challenge yourself once a week 

I don’t care if it’s trying a new activity, cooking a foreign meal or going somewhere you have never  been.  This helps us stretch our world and opens up our mind to more possibilities and opportunities. This type of action builds upon itself and you will find your challenges getting more and more bold or daring.  Ultimately, your self pride will grow.

3. Do something scary

I don’t mean walk down any dark allies at nigh, but I do mean take a risk!  Try zip lining….. say hi to a boy you have never talked to of run for class officer. You will be surprised by how amazing it feels after you have accomplished the action. You will experience a natural high similar to the one runners experience.  It’s a great uplifting feeling and it’s addictive.  You’ll be looking for the next big challenge.

4. Share your thoughts/feelings with your parents or close friends

Yes, this can also constitute as something scary, but this time it’s verbal action not physical action. A lot of teens don’t tell others about their worries or serious concerns.  They don’t think parents want to hear it and/or they don’t trust their friends with truly personal matters.  Take a chance…… share your feelings.  You will be surprised by how the information is received by your family and friends. It will bring you closer and you will feel a sense of relief for getting something off your chest, not to mention your level of trust in others will increase.

5. Stop engaging in negative activities that bring you down

Don’t hang around with people who put you down or don’t treat you right. They have no room in your life.  Stop mistreating your body with poor sleep, processed foods and no physical exercise. These things do affect your mood which in turn, affects your self-esteem whether you realize it or not. If you don’t think that you are worth it, no one else will either.