Author Archives: Girl +Talk

The Latest Teenage Obsession “Thigh Gap.”

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The Latest Teenage Obsession “Thigh Gap.”  How does it affect your self-esteem?

Most females can relate to the concept of looking at another woman and thinking; “I wish I looked more like her.”  Maybe it’s her smile, her wavy hair or even her full lips…… but her thigh gap? In the past year the growing trend of “thigh gap” propaganda on the internet has changed passing thoughts of admiration for someone else, to being dangerously pursued by teenage girls who are seduced by the belief that having the coveted thigh gap (inner thighs which do not touch) is the ultimate touchstone of beauty. Experts Blame The Media For Promoting This Trend Amongst Teenage Girls and I think they are right. Thigh gap?  Are you serious!  What’s next…ear lobe envy.

The increasing infatuation that teenage girls have with “thigh gaps” grows even more disturbing when you begin to investigate it further. Just a simple Google search, shows several top page results not only advising young girls on how they can achieve thigh gaps, but also promoting Pro-ana thigh gap culture. Only buried underneath a collection of Thinspiration and other pro-thigh gap tumblrs and blogs, you can find actual informative research articles that explain the dangers of this new body obsession and why it is physically unachievable for most people. Most experts say that this demonstrates a new low in self-esteem and body acceptance amongst young girls caused by the social pressures to achieve this ridiculous standard of beauty.

When you consider the negative health and psychological ramifications of pursuing “thigh gap” status, it is a lot darker than one would initially want to believe. Young girls are cheering each other on, in online forums to purse “thigh gap” status. Encouraging anorexia and bulimic behavior as well as self-harming, and suicidal tendencies if the thigh gap is not achieved. Again, for many females thigh gap is physically impossible at a healthy weight. We are not talking about changing ones hair color or personal style. This practice condones seriously damaging behavior.

We can’t let our younger generations of women be defeated by this kind of propaganda. There needs to be more action taken to inform young girls about self-esteem and body image AND less emphasis placed on promoting and literally “selling” beauty to the vulnerable and young.

As far as I am concerned, we have all become victims of our cultural obsession with being “perfect” (whatever that means.)  The “thigh gap” obsession is just one more expression of this that breeds peer pressure, anxiety and depression triggered by the bullying that coincides with the “Thigh Gap” pursuit culture that is found online.

Read More About Teenage Girls Shocking Obsession With Thigh Gap

The Lolita Effect and It’s Impact on Female Self-Esteem in Business

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There is a term called “the lolita effect” which refers to the idea of the sexualization of a younger female in relation to an older male, often an underage female to an adult male. More importantly, is the nature of the term.  It’s a negative term places on the female; not the male.  As if she is the aggressor and the male the victim.  However, in the movie Lolita, the female was pursued by an obsessed older male.  So why isn’t the concept flipped?

In the world of working business men and women, “the lolita effect” may exist as well, and while the younger women may not be legally underage, she is still sexualized in the workplace. This can potentially cause some tension between men and women working together in business.  According to an article by writer Kate Ashford, a study is cited explaining that two thirds of men would rather not mentor younger women in the workplace and half of women would rather not be mentored by an older man due to the fear of projecting the appearance of having an affair.

It is important within our society that women are able to be seen as professional and respectable employees to a company. The 2011 documentary Miss Representation, a film about women and media, goes in to explore how women are sexualized in the professional environment and how this can affect how many women are running for office and following through on reaching other career aspirations. If women are conditioned to be seen primarily as objects of desire which can damage their self esteem it can also sidetrack them from accomplishing their goals. If this is true, it would also make sense that if women fear being accused of having an affair with a male colleague, she might opt out of applying for that position entirely. She won’t be working where she might have otherwise. If she does and is then accused of becoming involved with a colleague, that will damage not only her confidence and self esteem but may jeopardize her position entirely.  Sheryl Sandberg talks about the importance of having a mentor in her own professional development. Yet, her mentor was male and there seemed to be no problem. Companies may lose valuable female employees and men may miss an opportunity to improve and expand their professional horizons by mentoring a young woman. So…..is “the lolita effect” real or just an inflated excuse to exclude women from mentoring relationships that may help them excel in their careers?

Teens and Body Image- Why we Don’t Always Like What we see in the Mirror

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Body dysmorphic disorder is defined by the Mayo Clinic as a type of chronic mental illness where you can’t stop thinking about a flaw in your appearance — a flaw that is either minor or imagined. But to you, your appearance seems so shameful that you don’t want to be seen by anyone. So, let me say that again in teen language. You think some part of your body is so hideous that you need to hide it constantly, obsess about it, and stare at it all the time.

Don’t get me wrong, all teens are concerned with the way they look. That’s just part of being a teen. Now, don’t confuse being a “typical” teen with having body dysmorphia. When a teen struggles with body dysmorphia, s/he focuses in on one or two particular parts of their body and obsesses over that area specifically on a constant basis. Like, “My nose is so crooked, I can’t go out in public!” Or, “My feet are huge, I could never wear those shoes!”  Usually, in these cases your friends will not understand what you are talking about because they don’t see it.  This can cause you to feel even more alone because no one sees what you see when they look in the mirror.

I’ve encountered many teens who have shared with me stories of their own body dysmorphia. For example, some can rationally identify that their present weight isn’t considered clinically overweight; however, their brains still tell them that they are obese. Some will honestly look in the mirror and still see that young girl who was overweight, or had braces, bad acne or glasses (usually in 4th, 5th or sixth-grade.)

One factor that always seems to go along with body dysmorphia is name-calling or teasing.  You were probably sensitive to your weight, the braces or being taller than the rest of the class and a bullied honed in on that.  The experience was traumatizing and you were never able to let it go. Being so young, you wouldn’t have the tools to deal with those feelings and most kids don’t tell their parents either, which is a huge mistake. Parents can help you process the experience and give you advice or tools to deal with the teasing and to let it go. Unfortunately, many teens carry the painful scars from being teased into high school.  Although in present-day, they know that they are not overweight, those nicknames still stick in their heads. The trauma from being teased doesn’t just go away and when they look in the mirror they still see their overweight self from a painful time.

I’ve never agreed with the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me.” I’ve seen the opposite. Damaging name-calling that carries over to the teenage years.  Names that teens can’t get out of their heads and hear over and over like a broken record.  Some start to believe the name-calling and see themselves in a negative light.  Many teens have told me, that although they’ve lost the weight and the name-calling was years ago, they are still waiting for it to happen again. They walk down the halls in high school feeling like a fraud.  Scared that those names will come back to haunt them because maybe they deserve it. To me, that’s much more painful than breaking a bone because when you break a bone, you set it and it heals. For some of these teens, since the scars aren’t visible, no one else sees the pain, and they didn’t know how to release it to heal.  One thing is clear, if they don’t deal with the root of the problem the pain will remain and they will continue to be challenged every time they look in the mirror.