Tag Archives: self-esteem

Dr Carol’s Self-Esteem Scale

Posted in Articles for Parents, Self-Esteem, Tip of the Week by

measure self-esteemI designed this self-esteem scale as a quick reference tool for the teen girls I work with. It’s notso much a scale as it is a starting point for building healthy self-esteem. It allows for honest reflection on where you see your self-esteem presently and where you would like it to be.  Remember, self-esteem is not “fixed” meaning… it can change and grow with time.

1–3: Your self-esteem is on the lower end. You’re more concerned with how others view you or define you. You basically see yourself through the eyes of others. You don’t trust in your own decisions. You tend to go along with the crowd, whether you want to or not. You don’t rock the boat and aren’t sure how to stand up for yourself in tough situations. You don’t like to make others angry and will avoid confrontation at all costs. You aren’t sure if you can trust your friends 100%. You may have felt bullied at some point in life and still feel negative effects from it.

4-6: You have moderate self-esteem. You look to others for guidance when making decisions. You trust in what others say a bit more than trusting in yourself. You sometimes hold back how you feel because you’re concerned about your friends passing judgment. You can be a people pleaser. You feel you can comfortably trust your friends 75-80% of the time with most information without them using it against you.

  7–8: You have relatively strong self-esteem. You have a strong sense of self and you listen to yourself over the opinions of others. You aren’t easily swayed into uncomfortable situations and rarely feel peer pressured. You are unique and independent, and you can comfortably stand up for what is right without worrying about the consequences. You have a strong group of friends that you trust 80% to 100% of the time.

9-10: You have high self-esteem. You are comfortable in most situations at school and with friends. You are comfortable with all aspects of yourself. You’re accepting of your friends and the way they are. You do not fall victim to peer pressuring or bullying and don’t allow it to occur around you either. You do not feel the need to judge or gossip about others. You are a trustworthy friend.

Questions for Reflection

1) Where do you see yourself on the scale of self-esteem and why?

2) What external factors (looks, grades, boyfriends, etc.) do you depend on to “raise” your self-esteem?

3) Can any of these factors truly help your long-term self-esteem? Explain.

How do Selfies Impact Self-Esteem?

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The debate of whether teenage girls are overly sexualized by magazines, television and movies has been discussedand debated for decades…..and for good reason. But social media like Facebook, Twitterand Instagram have transformed the playing field completely.  Now, teens have control over what they post, what others see and what they share.

Although teen idols such as movie starts and pop singers still play an important role in adolescent development, many young girls now draw comparisons to their classmates, peers and friends as well.  In addition, the way young girls choose to communicate has also changed.  Instead of sitting on the home selfiesphone for hours while chatting w BFF”S or writing in a diary, they are now communicating by online chat, text, IM and now via  “selflies”  as a way to express themselves.  What’s a selfie? This is where you take a photograph of yourself with a phone or camera from arm’s length.

The selfie is such a popular concept that it was recently crowned the word of the year by Oxford Dictionaries. The phenomenon has seemed to spread to all corners of society – from prime ministers and the pope, to athletes, and politicians–not just teens.  Now, instead of these pictures being stuck on a bedroom wall, many of them end up online – broadcast to hundreds, if not thousands, of people. So is this a boost for self-esteem, or something that can damage an impressionable teenage girl’s confidence?

Some believe that the selfie does boost self-esteem. According to a Time magazine article, some researchers believe that selfies have the ability to allow teenage girls to express their moods in a way not possible before. During a phase of life where there is plenty of experimentation, they are able to snap away with different outfits, hair styles, and poses. This helps them to determine the identity they feel most comfortable with, hence boosting self-esteem. Plus, the power of likes and retweets is not to be underestimated. For a teenage girl, receiving likes on Instagram or Facebook can be seen as an endorsement that they are beautiful, from people who are within their social circle. Comments are there to compliment one’s appearance in a way that doesn’t normally happen in a typical personal encounter.

There is also the benefit of inclusion. There have been more than 90 million photographs uploaded to Instagram using the hashtag #selfie. Participation in this club is a way to bond with friends and strangers alike. You feel like you have a community to go to, if you are feeling alone or isolated. But is this real?

Others believe the selflies are harmful. Teen Vogue (of all places) believes that selfies place too much emphasis on the physical appearance of teenagers, rather than their personalities.  There are psychologists who believe the same. Likes and comments that build self-esteem can crush it as well. After all, if two photos are posted – the first with nine likes and the second with two likes, some girls could perceive this as feeling less valued.  And of course, in a world of cyber bullying, negative comments are also a possibility, which can be so hurtful not to mention embarrassing.

Maybe help is on the way. A new app called Snapchat also raises the issue of how inappropriately selfies can be immortalized and used as a weapon for bullying. This new software allows a user to send a photo or video (called a snap) that’s only visible for 10 seconds before it is deleted. However, screenshots can be taken, meaning that an innocuous, embarrassing or ill-judged photo could be used as a weapon for intimidation against you.

Overall, opinions are mixed on the true value of the selfie. But by and large, for teenage girls, it seems to simply be a way to have fun and interact with friends – “possibly” boosting self-esteem. However, it also seems that confidence can be crushed when photographs are taken with the intention of soliciting “likes” only and none are given. Regardless of this new craze, by definition self-esteem can only come from within and not by external means. I’d hate to think that true self-esteem (high or low) is only one photo away.

How Does Your Self-Esteem in High School Affect you Later?

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Recently I was  interviewed by a 16-year-old girl for a teen blog on the topic of self-esteem.  Below is part of that interview.

How can a girl be a good friend to her peers who seem to have personal struggles?

Having a close friend, a “best friend” or a group of friends that you can talk to openly is incredibly important for every girl. Sometimes there are things you just want to talk to a friend about.  If a peer is dealing with a struggle and she comes to you/confides in you, that’s very important. It means that she feels safe with you and trust you as a friend. First and foremost, just being there to listen is always appreciated. Don’t think that you have to have all the answers.  Just talking about something that maybe you have struggled with as well helps her feel not so alone in her situation. However, if your friend is struggling with something that could be damaging to herself, you can be supportive and listen, but you may need some input or guidance from an adult. That is a lot of responsibility for you to take on and you may need to talk to someone who has more experience in that area. A few suggestions would be: You can go with her and talk to your school counselor or you could go with her and talk to a family member.  Bottom line, letting her know that you’re there for her whether you have all the answers or not is probably the most important thing.

How does a girl’s self-esteem in high school affect what happens to her later on?

The high school years are a critical time in a teen’s life. This is the time that developmental psychologists call “identity vs. role confusion.” Which just means, you are trying to figure out what you like , independent of your friends and family, and you are trying to decide who you want to become.  So much is going on with a girl at this age mentally, physically and emotionally. Being comfortable with who you are is key.  Having a positive relationship with your parents and having a group of girlfriends who you can trust is also important.  If issues or challenges aren’t worked out during this phase in your life, chances are a girl will continue to deal with the same issues and struggles into college. Don’t keep things inside. Tell others how you feel. The #1 mistake I see from teens is not telling their parents when they are dealing with a big issue. Trust me, if you are dealing with something that you see as a struggle, your parents want to know about it and want to help you.