Category Archives: Peer Pressure

The 8th Deadly Sin, Peer Pressure

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A few weeks back I saw a tweet posted by a teen and it said “the 8th deadly sin, peer pressure.”  I was intrigued by the concept so I hit “reply” and asked him if I could write a blog on the topic of peer pressure today as a deadly sin. He agreed.

We all know the story from the Bible, which created a classification of vices told to early Christians as a way to educate them about  sin.  The 7 deadly sins are: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. However, nowhere in the story does it mention peer pressure of any kind. Or others forcing their opinions or actions on you in a negative and detrimental manner.  The vices are all related to excessive internal wants or desires, but why doesn’t peer pressure make the list?  It’s just as damaging and can lead to very destructive behaviors. Daily, I talk with teens where peer pressure is the number 1 issue they want to discuss.  In their words “it’s everywhere” and it seems to occur constantly.  I can honestly say that I have never had a conversation with a teen who was concerned about wrath, but peer pressure–yes!  Peer pressure is so ugly and harmful to our well-being. I’m sometimes concerned that if we hear the word “peer pressure” too often in the news or media that we will become desensitized to its meaning and impact.  Trust me, peer pressure is alive and well and can be just as deadly.

The Duck Syndrome (Anxiety and Perfectionism Among Young Women)

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Recently, I learned about the duck syndrome from a friend of mine at Stanford University. The duck syndrome is apparently running rampant at many colleges (and from my research) at many high schools as well. What is the duck syndrome? Well, think of the duck gliding along the water. She looks very serene, calm and pleasant. Then, look under the water and s/he is paddling frantically. That is the duck syndrome. Too many students on the outside are appearing calm, cool and collected while on the inside they are completely stressed out.  As women, we want to see ourselves being able to have it all.  To be the great student, great athlete, and well-liked by her peers, which typically means being social. But what price do we pay?  Proving we can do it all has transformed into an ugly state of unattainable expectations and extremes, which are unhealthy for any girl at any age. This is a recipe for disaster that really goes against what feminism truly stands for.

I believe high school is where this syndrome starts to formulate. Many of the girls that suffer from the duck syndrome in college were probably “big fish in small pond” at their high school. Most teens want to be popular, and to be popular these days means that you can do it all. I see high school students staying up ridiculously late doing homework, always wanting the A, playing on one if not two sports teams, and also expecting to go out every weekend. All this can lead to anxiety, depression, and unhealthy habits. When they get to college, which could have 12 to 20,000 students, being big fish is not so easy anymore so the stakes get higher.  During college, the classes (typically) are more difficult with more homework, papers and tests. If they see their peers staying out late and still getting good grades, they feel the peer pressure to attain the same and compete among the top percent,  to be popular, to be perfect. This means more competition and pressure for top grades with less sleep.  We need to teach our teens that setting limits for themselves never means failure, but in fact it means a healthy and happy life with realistic and attainable goals. Paddling frantically is literally for the birds.

The Beauty of Fourth Grade Before Peer Pressure Begins

Posted in Articles for Parents, General Health, Peer Pressure by

Why do I think fourth grade is beautiful? Because this is the place and time in a child‘s life when they are innocent enough to still try anything. They believe they can run faster than lightning.  They believe they are strong as an ox.  They are willing to take on most challenges and have no concept of failure.  They see themselves as invincible. Within that naïveté  there is simplicity that is pure and good. They still have dreams of being astronauts, doctors and firemen. They listen to their parents (for the most part) and believe mom and dad are the smartest people in the world.  But the best part about this age group is that they still firmly believe in themselves. They are confident and strong and they believe that they can be anything they want to be as long as they work hard because that’s what their teachers and parents have told them.  Fourth grade is the tipping point for confidence building that sticks.  Factors such as friends, teachers, and family all play a critical role at this point in a child’s life.  Just like the “School House Rock” song says; [age] 10 IS the magic number. After this age, peer pressure comes into play.  Some resist because of the confidence they built and tools they have gained from strong family, teachers and coaches, while others unfortunately fall victim.

Note: The ages of 7 to 13 are critical for positive growth and confidence building. These elementary school years are at the core for building self-confidence.  Age 7 is where we start to see children grapple with confidence, and parents need to pay close attention by  encouraging and reaffirming their child in most activities.  Age 10 is where things can either go very right or very wrong in your child’s development.