Author Archives: Girl +Talk

Waking up with a Positive Attitude Every Day

Posted in General Health, Girl Talk: Boys, Bullies and Body Image, Self-Esteem by

Waking up with a positive attitude really can make or break your day. But not all is lost if you wake up feeling nervous, anxious, or sad for no reason. You just need to know how to turn it around. Similar to how you dealt with a saboteur in an earlier post, practice positive thinking for three to five minutes before you get out of bed.  Keep your eyes closed and remain calm– breathing in and out. You need to tell yourself, “Today is going to be a good day. I am going to have fun with my friends. School is going to be okay,” and so forth.  You have to consistently manage the negative attitude, get out of bed with a clear head, and start the day in a positive space (or at least moving in that direction).  I know this may sound strange, but don’t think too much. Stop constantly second-guessing, questioning, and wondering.  I know blocking out the negative can be exhausting, but what’s the alternative? Being depressed, sad, or angry?  Think of all the energy you waste dwelling on those feelings.

Set yourself up for success before you go to bed.  Have your alarm set to play your favorite song so you wake up in a comfortable space. Or, have a photo of you and your best friends by the bed, something that makes you feel warm or happy. (I’d rather wake up looking at that instead of a bunch of schoolbooks sprawled across the floor.)  Look to that photo first thing in the morning when you wake up. Or maybe it’s a trophy in your room that makes you feel confident or a special ribbon on your wall. Anything that reminds you that you are talented, confident, appreciated and loved will work.

Why the Father-Daughter Relationship is Critical for Self-Esteem

Posted in Self-Esteem by

A healthy father-daughter relationship is key for developing positive self-esteem. For all little girls, dad is the first male figure in her life….numero uno. He and mom are everything; they become the child’s world. If that relationship between father and daughter is strained at an early age it can make for a lifetime of internal challenges and struggles with the opposite sex. This powerful relationship between father and daughter begins around age 2 and lasts a lifetime, but the critical (formative years) are ages 2 through 4.  The basic questions that go along with development at this age are: Is it ok to be me?  Am I free to explore, to experiment with my new environment and enjoy the things I gravitate toward?

If mom and dad allow the child to be self-sufficient, to explore, and be repetitive in her actions, then she will grow with a sense of autonomy.  She will also learn to understand that parents are there as a united force of safety and security.  If dad demands too much of the child at this age, ignores her new skills and doesn’t allow them to be exercised repetitively, then mastering her environment cannot occur and she can develop self-doubt. This self-doubt can seep into how she sees herself and limits her actions moving forward as she grows older.  Statements like “I can’t try out for the school play. I can’t run fast. I can’t enter the spelling B” may be heard in the home. This leads to second guessing her actions and can slowly turn into low self-esteem. Parents can mislabel her as “just shy” or “cautious” when she is neither.  She is looking for signs of approval or disapproval from her parents instead of exploring new things freely. There is no curiosity in the child, no experimentation…. just rules she has learned. This can be exhausting.

If not dealt with, these issues will consistently resurface well into adulthood. We will continually play out our role from childhood if we don’t see and correct the negative patterns.  Dads encourage your daughters at a young age to try new things, cheer them on, allow them to make mistakes. Offer advice when asked, look her in the eyes when talking to her, be patient when teaching new things and lend a supportive shoulder for her to cry on.  Find something that just the two of you can do together.  Don’t make fun of the father-daughter dance…GO!  Find something that is special and meaningful like working on a project together for a few hours every Sunday. Try cooking dinner together one day a week, hiking, taking a drive to the beach, or playing a game of basketball after dinner.  The options are endless. It’s never too late to start this supportive pattern and I guarantee your daughter will look forward to it. Remember to let her be part of the suggestion and selection process too!

Women who grew up with positive relationships with their fathers (and mothers) feel confident, choose appropriate partners, respond to situations in emotionally healthy ways and can have meaningful relationships with both men and women.  We are truly a product of our environment. Dads, the best gift you can give your daughters is the gift of respect.  Showing her and her mother respect consistently in your actions and with your words is incredibly powerful and sets the standard for how she feels she should be treated by other men. You have the power to put a healthy pattern in motion that lasts a lifetime. The old saying “girls marry their fathers” is true. Regardless if the relationship was positive or negative, we are human and gravitate towards what’s comfortable and familiar to us. There’s no bigger job and title than dad, and none more rewarding.

Not Ready for College this Fall? Start in Spring.

Posted in Articles for Parents, College Guidance by

Many students don’t think about deferring college till spring because the concept is foreign to them. Since they were 4 or 5 years old, school always starts in September. So it’s more about habit than anything else. They also feel that they are “behind” their other classmates and high school friends if starting in spring.  Once you are on campus, no one knows or cares when you started.  However, there are many benefits to starting college in the spring term instead of fall if needed.

If you just aren’t ready for college, then wait.  Going to college before you are ready can cause a lot of issues once on campus such as lack of focus, poor grades, premature dropping out and changing of majors many times over.  If needed, take some time to think about your future and your career in a “constructive”  way that fall.  One of the benefits of a spring start is that you are competing with fewer students for those required first semester classes and therefore, you are more likely to get them.  Also, your orientation is smaller and you get much more personalized attention from staff and faculty about living on campus and choosing classes. If you feel that your credits are dragging, take a few summer classes to make up for the spring start.  As I said, take advantage of the fall term when everyone else is away at school (September though December) in a constructive way by interning, working and/or meeting with professional in your desired field to make sure it’s the right fit for you.  Then you can start in spring more confident about your choices.  High school to college is a very big switch and some teens are better with change than others.  Taking a semester off isn’t a cop-out, it’s a small choice for some families and students.