The topic of coeducational versus single gender education has created much discussion and controversy through the years. When looking for environmental benefits for the growth of positive self-esteem development, there has not been a definitive answer to the coeducational versus single gender question. Is one academically superior over the other, when looking at self-esteem development? I recently published an Ebook based on my research in this area. It may be of interest to educators within the high school setting or for parents trying to decide between single gender and coeducational schools for their daughters.
5 Tips For Parents on Talking to Your Teen
Parents typically ask me to tell them what they should do (or could do) better in regards to strengthening their relationship/communication with their teen. So, I thought I’d pull together the top 5 things that teens mention about their communication or lack of communication with their parents that actually bothers them.
Parents,
1) Take the time to “listen” to your teen. Many teens tell me that they don’t tell their parents certain things (bigger issues) because they will literally not remember. This can be crushing for a teen and once it happens, they will not open up and make that same mistake again. Parents please be engaged. Look at your teen when they are talking to you and show that you are interested in what they have to say.
2) Know your teen’s friends. This is critical. Some of your teen’s friends are good influences and some are bad. Meet them all and know who your teen is spending time with after school and on weekends. At the very least, meet the parents and have a cordial relationship with them if you aren’t already acquaintances. That way looking out for your teens becomes a shared effort.
3) Talk to your child during other times, not just during dinner. Many of the teens I speak with say that dinner is basically the time their parents engage with them. Teens aren’t stupid. They can feel when the questions seem forced or even rushed because you still have a million things to do later. They aren’t telling you anything of significance over dinner– trust me.
4) There is more to talk about than just school. Almost ever teen tells me that their parents always ask about school or the generic “How was your day?” question. Parents, don’t play it safe all the time. Ask specific questions about their friends, pressures, stress, boys, anxiety. Teens are perceptive. They can tell when you really don’t want to hear the tough answers so they give you the “everything is fine” routine. Don’t buy it.
5) Sometimes when your teen doesn’t want to talk…. they just don’t feel like talking. Remember what is was like being 16? It doesn’t necessarily mean that anything is wrong. The more you push, the most they will retreat. Give it a few days and see if the withdrawing still occurs. If it does then press the issue, but not at the dinner table.
Is Your Teen too Emotional? She May Just Need More Sleep.
Trust me, I’m not trying to disregard the very real mood swings, hormonal shifts or menstrual effects that happen during the teen years. But, not getting enough sleep can exacerbate any and all of these conditions. The average teen gets roughly 5 hours of sleep nightly during a school week. That’s just not enough. The human body is still growing and the brain still forming until age 25. Sleep plays a vital part in the growth of a healthy body and mind. Many teens try to make up for this sleep deprivation on the weekends by sleeping those two days away, but that doesn’t really balance things out.
I started thinking about teens and sleep after interviewing a 16-year-old girl at one of the high schools in San Francisco. She was extremely emotional throughout the interview even when discussing non-emotional issues. She became teary-eyed every time she spoke. Even if I made the conversation light hearted and joked, she still had watery eyes. This was all a bit extreme, even for a 16-year-old girl. So, I asked her if she’s always this emotional and she said “pretty much.” Finally, she said something that clicked during our conversation. She said that she was stressed and exhausted all the time. So, I asked her how much sleep she gets a night. She said, probably 3 or 4 hours. I told her that may be the problem or at least part of her problem. Not getting enough sleep can make anyone irritable and more emotional. Just ask any new mom or graduate students trying to complete a thesis. Small spurts of relief on the weekends, just doesn’t repair the system fully. Next time your teen seems a bit moody or irritable, first ask her if she’s sleeping enough. The average teen should be getting between 8 and 9 hours of sleep nightly for peak health. Check in with your teen on her sleep habits from time to time. Help teach healthy sleep patterns and encourage them to get to bed at a consistent time nightly.
Dr Carol 