The Girls I Know… Misconceptions about African American Teens and Young Women

Posted in Self-Esteem by

Guest blog by Meridith Gould, Ph.D.

I have spent a lot of my adult life working with and for adolescent girls. I would have never thought when I was a young girl that I would commit my professional life to the empowerment of girls. My passion for working with and writing about girls grew after I spent my first year working as a professor at Spelman College. Spelman is a historically Black Women’s institution. I was always committed to working in inner-city communities and I love to work with under-served girls of color. But, it was after I took my Spelman students to a local boys and girls club to volunteer that I realized that there was a huge gap in the literature, resources and services for inner-city African American girls.

There are many misconceptions about African American girls and young women. Much of the literature and articles written focuses on myths and assumptions about their experience.  And usually the narrative is negative and portrays them as “welfare mom”, “drop out” etc.  It is true that some African American girls in poor communities are negatively impacted by violence and systemic poverty. However, the factors that affect their communities (drug & gang violence, systemic poverty and inadequate schools) is not something that they choose, but rather something they have to deal with. Additionally, challenges like teenage pregnancy and low graduation rates have also plagued many urban communities. But, the girls that I work with and admire have a far more profound experience and identity that is rarely praised and highlighted. I sometimes believe that it is easier for individuals to write about what is not working and to condemn poor girls of color as a way to put blame on them when in actuality it is society’s responsibility to transform the lives of these girls.

The girls I spend time with are resilient. They are profoundly smart and deeply spiritual and wise. African American girls in low-income communities are empowered and believe in themselves despite the fact that many other “groups” tell them they will not succeed. Their self-esteem far surpasses many of their peers from more affluent communities. Their sense of self is strong and their connection to their community is honorable. Yes, many would like to live in a safer community that will afford them more opportunities for success, but they value their connection to their culture and are proud of their racial identity.

They celebrate their body and have a healthy image of who they are. They believe they can succeed. They might not know how they will get out of their neighborhood or afford college but are hopeful they will earn the opportunity to do so. Their experience is multi-dimensional and layered. Like all women and girls, they have dreams and hopes and want the chance to achieve them. The intersection of race, glass and gender and historical forms of oppression has made it more challenging for many girls who live in under-served neighborhoods to carve out a new path.

It has been hugely important for me to advocate for all girls and share their voice. I believe that girls have the right to be valued for the content of their character, measurement of their integrity and their commitment to making a difference.  The girls that I work with are strong, smart and bold and have a resiliency and empowerment that makes me very proud.

Meridith Gould has more than 15 years of experience in training and educational consulting. She has a PhD in Conflict Analysis and Resolution.  She has served as a program director, educational consultant, trainer and educator for students in K-12. She is also a certified trainer of diversity, peer-mediation, youth violence, bullying prevention, dating abuse, and girl’s development. Dr. Gould’s “Empower Me: Adolescent Girls” curricula is implemented at many youth serving organizations and schools in the United States and Kenya.

Helping Your Teen Survive Freshman Year of College

Posted in Articles for Parents, College Guidance by

My parents taught me many skills in life to prepare me and keep me on the right path.  As the youngest of seven, I had the advantage of observing trial an error by my older siblings.  By the time I came around, my parents had fine tuned their parenting skills.  Among the most important skills I learned from them were responsibility, hard work and dedication/discipline.  My parents did not believe in handing out money simply on demand. I had an allowance that I earned, was always told ways in which I could earn extra money around the house and I had my first job at thirteen. As a family, we had weekly responsibilities within the house that were to be completed on time or evening/weekend activities were forfeited. There was no whining or questioning, we knew the rules and simply obeyed or disobeyed and paid the consequences that were enforced on a consistent basis.

More importantly, from that responsibility, hard work and dedication came a sense of “independence” which I feel was the glue that truly helped me (and my siblings) succeed in college.  I could balance my check book, change a flat tire, get the most bang for my buck at the grocery store, think quickly on my feet and maintained an emergency fund all before freshman year of college. All thanks to my parents. That way the only unknown factor that I really needed to adjust to was the level of work expected of a new college student.  I watched many students and friends crumble around me because they couldn’t manage their time, money, relationships, and the daily pressures of day-to-day college living.  I truly think teaching children to be independent by way of responsibility, hard work and dedication/discipline is part of that check-list of life skills necessary for a successful transition to college.

What do Teens Think About Self-Respect?

Posted in General Health, Girl Talk: Boys, Bullies and Body Image, Self-Esteem by

 Another term we could use instead of self-respect would be pride. So what does it mean to have self-respect or pride in oneself?

Teens sometimes have difficulty with the concept of self-respect because they tie it to closely to acceptance by their peers.  They truly believe that their friends have their best interest in mind, but sometimes we see that is not always the case.  True friends love us for who we are, help us through difficult times, and even talk us out of making mistakes.  They would never put us in harms way for the sake of popularity or make us the butt of a joke for a cheap laugh.  Sometimes teens confuse authentic friendships as well as intimate relationships with those that can actually be quite damaging.  If you ask a teen to define self-respect, most of them can. However, they have a difficult time turning those words into action.  They don’t understand what self-respect looks like in practice or action. In my book, Girl Talk, I  talk to teens about their views on self-respect, what it really is and where they think they themselves or other teens go wrong in relation to this concept. Also, I explore and provide teens as well as parents with concrete examples of authentic relationships, healthy self-respect in action and ways to improve it.