Author Archives: Girl +Talk

Is it Self-doubt or Low Self-esteem?

Posted in Self-Esteem by

Everyone has those moments.  Moments in which you’re not certain if you’re doing the right thing or making the right choice.  Moments in which you think back to that thing you said at the party and wish you could take it back, but you can’t.  There are times when you question whether or not you used good judgment or acted too impulsively due to anger or fear or something else.   All of this questioning is a sign of self-doubt.

Self-doubt is present in every person’s life and it can mean a moment’s hesitation before making a decision or it can be a paralyzing force that keeps you from taking action.  For teenage girls, who may feel particularly susceptible to what others are thinking about them, self-doubt can be a daily intruder into their thoughts or a shadow that whisks certainty away from almost every decision.  Sometimes girls express their self-doubt as a way of bonding with friends, either by not appearing to be too arrogant, i.e. masculine, and forthright with their decisions, or, by using self-doubt to consult with a BFF at all times.  But what might seem to be second-guessing can have deeper consequences in terms of a girl’s self-esteem.

Having low self-esteem can be a serious result of too much self-doubt.  If you don’t hold yourself in high regard, or keep a strong base of emotional resilience stored against how things might turn out, you’re likely to question your decision-making skills and if your instincts are right about things.  Fundamentally, self-doubt is a contributor to low self-esteem, rather than the same thing.  Doubting yourself constantly, whether by engaging in comparison with others, or holding yourself to an idealized and impossible goal, is a recipe for lowering your self-esteem, because you aren’t staying true to the conviction that you know what’s best for you.  Building up a stronger reservoir of self-esteem will help battle those self-doubt demons when they go on the attack.

But, how do you do this?  Or help a teenage daughter or friend to do this?  Encourage girls to be in touch with what they really want, not what they think they should want.  Do this by (as much as possible) shutting out the media’s messages to girls and going inward to think through what your inner voice most calls out for.  Meditate, create a vision board, or trace out the paths of other strong women and think through what decisions got them to the place you admire.  Imagine the stresses they endured, but overcame, and think about how it’s possible to do that as well.

Draw on supportive friends who will affirm your decisions, and back you up if you feel you’ve made a wrong one and need to make a change.  Practice telling yourself you know best for yourself and shutting out negative voices that tell you otherwise.  Learn to be confident that you’re acting with your own best intentions as your top priority and can be ready to face whatever consequences might come.  This will help bolster your self-esteem and work to erase the voices that can question every decision you make.

What Ronda Rousey and Liz Carmouche are Doing for Female Self-esteem.

Posted in Self-Esteem by

Whether you are a fan of the UFC and MMA or not, doesn’t matter. What Ronda Rousey and Liz Carmouche did for women and women’s sports was nothing short of triumphant. These 2 athletes gave women a seat at the table of  mixed martial arts. They were the headlining fight for UFC 157 and they did not disappoint. The world of MMA has been dominated by male fighters for a significant period of time. Even the president of the UFC, Dana White was once quoted as saying that women would never fight in the UFC. But, in 2013 they did. These women proved themselves to be great athletes, worked hard and changed his mind.

Again, you don’t have to like MMA or even watch the UFC to understand what a significant event this was. It told millions of other young women out there that are trained athletes, Olympians and belt holders in martial arts, that they too can follow their dreams and fight professionally if they choose to do so. Women are no longer excluded.

I choose to also look at the young women who have no interest in mixed martial arts, but for the 1st time saw women publicly competing in a sport, never done before. It tells them that they too can reach for their dreams, work hard and be whatever they want to be in this lifetime. Rhonda spoke about how Judo helped build her self-esteem when she was young. She also spoke about not having a female MMA role model to look up to so she had to look inward and believe in herself. Her dreams came true that night when she won the fight and retained the title of champion. These 2 women are great role models for young women everywhere. They are disciplined, professional, and focused athletes. In my opinion, there were no losers that night. I saw 2 champions and significant game changers. I hope to see young girls mentioning their names during everyday conversations, putting up posters of these women, and reading inspirational articles about them in teen magazines. I believe they gave a boost of self-esteem to all women who watched the fight that night and will continue to do so. I too am in awe and inspired. Thank you Rhonda and Liz.

Don’t Like Your College? Transfer.

Posted in College Guidance by

If you find yourself on campus and not connecting with the culture, your classmates, faculty or major, transfer. Don’t wait to see if your disappointment changes, because it probably won’t.

For undergraduates wanting to transfer colleges, spring term freshman year is a great time for this. Most smaller to mid-size colleges accept a certain number of transfers in the spring to compensate for those students who were kicked out or dropped out from the previous term. It’s a gamble, but it may pay off. Right now the acceptance rate for transfers is about 64%.  Many college students don’t consider this option because they’re tired from the application process and most likely don’t like the idea of meeting new people and getting adjusted all over again.  It can be a burden, but well worth the pay off if you are unhappy with your school.  I recommend staying at your initial school for 1 semester (or 1 year), get great grades, look into the transfer process early on and start preparing the transfer materials ASAP.  The longer you wait, the less chance there is for ALL your credits to transfer. Don’t stay at a school you don’t enjoy. It’s not worth the time, money or experience.

Side note: The downside is that many schools do not offer housing to transfer students, just entering freshman. Be sure to look into this as well.